: Divorcees

Hello everyone:

So, your spouse is gone….he or she is not coming back. Leaving his or her toothbrush on the bathroom counter might be comforting but what will happen if someone you are thinking about dating sees it? It screams “I am not ready for a relationship yet!!!!”

A man I once knew lost his wife when she was only 49. He ended up remarrying….her best friend. After the new wife moved into the family home, she found that her new decorating ideas were not accepted very well. In fact, every time she went to change anything, he told her, “But Annie liked it that way.” After learning that she did not dress as well as Annie, did not cook as well as Annie, and was not (in the long run) as interesting as Annie, she got the message and moved out.  They were later divorced.

If you are considering moving on, please make sure that you are ready by getting rid of your wife’s (or husband’s) toiletries. Toiletries only last so long and then you really need to say “so long” to the toiletries. Finding a bottle of congealed formerly-liquid foundation is not at the top of anyone’s decorating list. Used eye liner gets really nasty looking after a few months and a hairy hairbrush is rather morbid, don’t you think?

If you remember that episode of House, M.D. where Wilson finally washes the mug Amber used, you will have the right idea here. I would love to hear your stories about moving on. Please share them with me- who knows, they might end up in my next book! When you comment, please use my name in your posting so that I won’t think you are spam!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

How do you cope with unexpected visitors in your house? I have a story to tell you about an unwanted house guest: a bat.

It was in the middle of the night (2:30 am) on a Monday when a bat landed on our bed, right between my new husband and me. It took off when we reacted to its presence, heading for my son’s bedroom. My hubby scared it out of my little boy’s room, and it immediately took a turn into our only bathroom.

It landed on a box of tissues; my hubby threw a towel over the box and told me to open the window and punch out the screen. I did as he requested and soon the towel-draped tissue box (complete with the bat) was sailing through the open window. As the bat landed outside, we closed the window behind it.

If you wish to avoid nocturnal visits from critters, make sure that any holes your house has to the outside world are plugged. We went over that old house with a fine-tooth comb, making sure it was sealed against any future invasions!

Do you have any similar stories? I would love to hear from you! Please use my name in your reply, so that I know you aren’t spam (I’ve been getting a lot of that lately!).

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Have you ever had the handle of your toilet pop up and take on a life of its own? You know how that looks- the handle is all caddywampus and looks as if it will leap up on top of the toilet tank any moment. What do you do? Here is the fairly quite remedy of how to fix it:

Do not scream at it; the handle has merely become loose. Pick up the lid of the toilet tank, and set is aside. Hold onto the recalcitrant handle with  your left hand while reaching into the toilet tank with your right. There is a white plastic ring just inside the tank, attached to the handle. You need to get that tightened down so that the handle is once again flush (no pun intended) against the tank.

Normally, we say “righty-tighty, lefty-loosy” but that might not be the case here. Tighten the white plastic ring so that the handle is drawn back against the toilet tank snugly, no matter which direction you need to turn the ring on your particular toilet. Once the handle is no longer sagging, you have fixed the problem and are ready to return the tank lid to its rightful place.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

A very good friend of mine shared some traveling tips and I wanted to pass them along to you, in case you want to go on an unexpectedly-unmarried-now trip.  She has a friend in the military who told her about these ideas.

When packing clothing such as dress shirts and pants, put the pants in the bottom of the suitcase, with the legs sticking out the ends (you are draping your pants out the top of the suitcase, down along the bottom, and then up and out the bottom of the suitcase).  Fold your dress shirts in half long ways and then drape them in the suitcase, as well. Add your flattened undergarments on top of the clothes which are laying neatly inside the bottom. Then alternate, folding the parts of the clothes sticking out the top and bottom back across the clothes that are along the bottom of the case. This will result in no wrinkles when you arrive at your destination. Remove the clothing and hang it up right away.

If you are carrying knit clothing, fold it longways and then roll it up. You should find that it usually does not wrinkle, but if it does, hang it up and the wrinkles should fall out.

I hope you have a good journey. For some airport traveling tips, please see my other blogs.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

This is a tough topic but I wanted to share some thoughts about remarrying. It may seem like I am against it, but really I just want to you take things slowly before you jump into something you will regret later.

Take your time getting to know the new person in your life. Have you ever seen this person get mad? How does he or she handle anger? Does this person react by blowing up? Does he or she swear when angry? Is this person a screamer? Does he or she seem almost proud that this (blowing up, swearing, screaming) is the way that his or her parents handled arguments? Does this person mistreat your children? Could you live with these reactions for the next 30 years? One of my friends was divorced when his kids were small and he thought he had found the perfect step-mother for them. One day she was visiting at his house and got mad at the children. She started screaming and slapped one of them on the face. That was the end of that relationship; he never yelled at his children (he spoke to them calmly as needed) and he did not believe in slapping anyone. She apparently did, so she was out of the picture pronto.

Next, what kind of family does this person come from? If possible, watch how this person treats family members, especially those members who are the same sex as you are. If he or she maltreats that individual, eventually he or she will do the same thing to you. Watch out for the person’s siblings. Does he or she have a sibling or two who is absolutely charming to someone’s face, only to cut that person down or mock them when that person is nowhere in sight? That is standard operating procedure in that family. When you aren’t around, chances are good that they will have a few things to say about you.

Does this person show respect for his or her parents? How does this person handle disappointment?  Does this person blame others for his or her failures in life? Does this person accept responsibility for his or her own actions?  I realize that this might sound mean spirited to examine a person’s family to determine if you wish to continue your relationship with that individual, but someone’s family has a huge influence on his or her life. Having a “funny uncle” might not make a lot of difference to you, but what if you have young children?

Does this individual come from a dysfunctional family? If so, this may be the only example of family life he or she knows. While it is possible that the person has worked very hard to not be like Mom or Dad, when the chips are down, individuals have the tendency to revert to the type of behavior they have seen modeled as a child. Folks, “what’s down in the well comes up in the bucket,” as the old saying says. Could you live with that? Would you want to? What does your potential partner think about his or her mother or father? Does he or she have Mommy or Daddy issues? Do you want to take those issues on? Did his or her opposite-sex parent die when he or she was young? That person might end up blaming you for the fact that his parent died. Check carefully before proceeding here.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Today’s blog deals with something we often overlook because it is overhead and we rarely think about it. That topic? Your roof.

Your roof is probably something you never think about, unless it is leaking. Angie’s list says that, if your roof is more than 20 years old, you probably need to replace it.

How old is your roof? When did you move into the house? Did you as a couple ever talk about replacing it? Look through any receipts you have for the house. You may find one that tells you when the roof was last replaced. Do you keep a calendar of home repairs? You might find the information there.

Next, look at the overall condition of the roof. Do you see any shingles that are curled or missing? Can you see daylight through your ceiling? You need to get the roof checked out.  The problem here is in knowing who to call. In a perfect world, husbands would leave their wives a list of electricians, plumbers, carpenters, house painters, roof repairmen, and the like, but the world (as you may have noticed) is far from perfect.

If it is too late to ask your hubby about home repair, find a trusted friend who knows something about home repair or a real estate agent who does foreclosure work and ask him or her for the name of someone to call. Do not ask your friend to do the work. Please understand that your friend may be very well-meaning, but an incompetent friend who takes on the job himself is almost worse than a poor contractor. You can fire a poor contractor but how do you fire a friend? My point exactly.

I hope you have good luck with replacing your roof, if it needs it. If you have already replaced a roof, how did you find the best person for the job? Do you have any horror stories you would like to share about your roof-replacing experience? I would love to hear from you!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

I travel through Orlando, Florida once a month, to go visit my widowed father and take care of his condo. Initially, it was difficult to see myself surrounded at the airport by happy families and honeymooners while I was by myself. I found a way to overcome those feelings, first by finding a family that is not focused solely on their handheld devices and talking to them.

I ask if they are headed to see “the Mouse” or “a large rodent”- they generally smile and say “yes.” If they aren’t going to Walt Disney World, then the kids haven’t usually picked up on my reference, and we chat about where they are going. If they do plan a visit to Mickey and Minnie, I share how I was an original cast member when the park opened in 1971.

Another way to keep your mind off of traveling alone in the midst of folks traveling together is to fitness walk before your flight, keeping in the general vicinity of the gate you will be leaving from as the flight gets closer. [Note: Visit the gate at the beginning of your walk so that you know exactly where it is and keep an ear out for announcements of gate changes.]

BTW, it is easy to know when you ought to visit the restroom before a flight. Once the incoming plane lands, you have about five minutes before folks start coming out of the plane and heading for the nearest bathroom. You need to beat them to the bathroom, unless you enjoy standing in line. If your plane is already at the gate, you can figure out how long before you board by keeping an eye on whether or not the door to the hallway leading to the plane is open or closed. If it is open, then you will begin boarding pretty soon. You still have time to make it to a nearby restroom, unless you dilly dally.  If it is still closed, then you have a longer wait to board.

Once on the flight, pull out that book you have been dying to read and get started.  The book is also a meal companion, should you want to look engaged when dining out alone.

When you land, please keep in mind that the nearest bathroom might not be the one to go to, especially if you are female.  If time is not of the essence, then you should wait until you get to the second bathroom because the line will be shorter than in the first restroom (unless a flight just landed near that one). The first stall in a given bathroom is frequently the one to use. Studies have also shown that the bacteria count is lower in the first stall because fewer people use it. The majority of folks feel that the privacy in the first stall is not as great as in the later stalls, so they are more likely to use a stall further down the row.

Enjoy your next trip!

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

At our house, light bulb changing is the domain of my husband. However, it is vital that everybody knows how to complete this task as well, or they may be left in the dark someday.  Please use the right size light bulb for the fixture. Do not touch the metal thingy as you replace the light bulb or you may need an electrician (or an ambulance). Make sure the light bulb is cool to the touch before removing it and turn the power off before you change it. Getting shocked is no fun.  There are YouTube videos on how to do this, so find the one that matches your fixture the closest before you do anything.  That way, you can  learn from someone who is actually doing it to a lighting fixture that is like yours.

You might prefer to not ask me how to do it. The last time I performed this task, the light bulb I used was the wrong size and my finger touched the metal thingy on the light bulb. I received a nasty electric shock and blew the lighting fixture to kingdom come. It was not a pleasant experience, so check out information on completing this task. The good news is that I am still among the living; the bad news is that the light fixture is not.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Today’s blog is an excerpt from my second book, Suddenly Single for Married Couples: A Practical Guide to Hoping for th eBest but Preparing for the Worst. I hope you enjoy it!

Gentlemen, one of the greatest gifts you can give your wife is the freedom not to have to remarry after your demise. One of my church friends is a widow whose hubby very suddenly died of a heart attack during a family vacation. He was only in his 60s and was in relatively good health, otherwise. She and the rest of the family were in shock. To his credit, he provided very well for her and she has been able to live comfortably on the insurance money and investments he had for 20+ years. Some widows are not so fortunate and have no choice (other than poverty) to remarry quickly. Instead, she is able to maintain her household, help her grown children as need be, and travel modestly when she desires. For a short time, she dated three men at the same time, going to stamp club with one, the morning church services with another, and sitting with the third man at evening services. When I asked her if she planned to marry one of them, she replied, “Why would I do that? When I get tired of whoever I am with, I send him home.” Two of the men since then died; the stamp club fellow moved to Florida. It’s nice to know that she has not been forced into remarriage due to finances.

According to the Huffington Post blog the Savvy Senior, remarriage can affect your estate planning because the new spouse may be entitled to a percentage of your estate- as much as one-third to one-half- unless you have a prenuptial agreement (para. 2). You will also be responsible for paying for your new spouse’s long-term care and medical bills (para. 3). Remarrying can also influence the collection of your former spouse’s Social Security (para. 5), pension benefits (para. 6), alimony (para. 7), and college aid for your children (para. 8). These are financial matters that must be taken seriously.

Best,

Dr. Sheri