Hello everyone:
You know the drill. Your world is going bad and, all of a sudden, it gets worse. A whole lot worse.
You had a reasonably normal life for the longest time but, suddenly, nothing is business as usual. The new normal is weird. Maybe you have had one disaster after another, and the poop is piling up pretty fast. What do you do?
Look at what you still have. Your health? A good job you love? Friends who love you? Friends, it may seem like you are Job from the Old Testament, but be encouraged. If you are depressed and it feels like your world is closing in on you, turn to your relationship with the Lord.
Look at the cheerful side of things. If you have a lovely home to live in, thank the Lord. If you are still healthy, thank Him for being gracious. If you have food to eat, thank God for taking care of you. If you have clothes to wear, thank Him for that, as well. If you have friends and family that love you, rejoice twice as much.
Don’t have a pity party. (Avoid those like the plague- they always serve refreshments at the pity parties I have attended in the past and that adds unneeded calories!)
I understand- you aren’t married any more. Your spouse died or decided he or she didn’t want you. The world is set up for couples and you are a single. It doesn’t seem like you fit in. Got it! In some ways, you don’t fit into the “square peg in a square hole” pigeonhole anymore. So find a new one.
This may be the first time in a long time where you could just up and go somewhere you want to go. So do it. Do you feel like taking a walk? There’s no one to say “no.” Feel like going to a movie or watching endless episodes of Flip or Flop? Do it, my friend! You have the whole world in front of you, so embrace it, don’t run!
What do you do when you’re feeling down? I would love to hear your ideas so that they can be shared with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I recently moved, my 24th time. Since I am presently renting a temporary home, I realized that completely unpacking would be a task that I would be repeating again in about 12 months. It is not a job I look forward to.
What to do? I made the decision to unpack what I needed to make my house a home. To me, that meant family pictures, dishes, decorative items that I love, and enough linens and things to get me through the months ahead.
Everything else, I am keeping in my storage area in an unused bedroom. That way, my things are nearby if I want them but out of the way if I don’t need them immediately. Remember how I write what is in a box on the side of it? That way, if I have a special need for something, I can locate it pretty easily by looking at my stored items in the extra bedroom. No, it isn’t very pretty, but I keep that door shut. (Don’t ask me to open that door. Someone could get hurt!)
How about you, temporary dwellers? Do you have a special tip to share with everyone? I would love to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi everyone:
What do you do when you feel like going out to eat but you are alone in a world meant for couples? You can either stay home or go it alone.
Perhaps you have been used to, for many years, going out a particular night of the week, just because. But now you are alone and wondering if you should step outside your door to eat out.
Go, my friend. Take a book, magazine, or newspaper and go. The food you enjoyed as a couple is still just as tasty. It’s fun to have a night off from cooking, even if your total commitment to cooking is heating up a diet dinner in the microwave.
If you are an older person, you can even comment to younger couples what a lovely family they have, how well-behaved their children are, or how much they remind you of your own children. (Nothing creepy here, folks; keep it nice and light and not weird.) This may open the door to a conversation or perhaps you just made their day better. No sarcasm, either.
You never know who you might meet and what conversation might ensue while you wait for your food. Go out! Have a lovely meal! And ask a friend to come with you, if you prefer not to go it alone.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I went to a meeting recently and it was announced that the class’s Valentine’s Day party was a “couples only” event. Boy, there’s nothing like that kind of pronouncement to guarantee sadness in the heart and mind of someone who is suddenly single!
The announcer then retracted her statement, saying, “Oh, we meant “adults only” not “couples only.” If you aren’t a couple, you are still welcome to come.” Yeah, lady, right on.
If you are an unexpectedly unmarried individual, would you go? Would you go alone? How would you handle this weird invitation to an evening spent looking at couples talk to one another? I was in this situation once many years ago when my spouse chose not to take me to a Christmas party put on by our church. I spent the evening watching couples who hadn’t seen one another all day chat all the way through dinner, while I sat there like a third thumb.
If you have a wonderful idea for navigating the waters of singleness at Valentine’s Day, please share it, whether from the standpoint of someone who is single-again or someone who knows folks that are. Thanks!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
It has now been two and a half weeks since I moved out of state. I had a moving company come, to help me with the heavy lifting and I have some tips to help you save money on your move.
First, do as much of your own packing as you can. The mover fellow said I saved about $1,000 by packing my own things. However, please note that anything you don’t pack, they may pack, unless you say otherwise. As a result of my not being as clear as I could have been, I am now the proud continuing owner of a broken clock radio and a couple of ugly tables that I didn’t want. Oops!
I didn’t pack all of my pictures; they did. My casual wave around a room led to them packing everything in it. Oops. Now I can’t tell which picture is which in Unpacking Land. I wanted to keep some of them safely wrapped until I move out of this rental and into a house I purchase about a year from now.
They will mark the room on the wrapping but they don’t always call your rooms by the same name that you do and, if you carried a picture into another room, that’s the name the picture’s wrapping will get. It’s confusing. [It’s also not rocket science, but I digress.]
Next, thoughtfully consider how badly you want the stuff in your filing cabinets. My five filing cabinets would have added $1,000 to the cost of the move. I don’t need outdated student records that badly. What can you get rid of? The mover man said he estimated each filing cabinet weighed in at about 500 pounds. Five of them=$1,000 in added costs. Time to get the shredder out, in my book.
Finally, how much do you love your possessions? It might be cheaper to sell or give away your things and buy new items with the money you save. It cost me about $6,000 to move. Was my stuff worth that much money? As a matter of fact, yes it was, but only because I had some Amish furniture that I loved and paid quite a bit of money for. Otherwise, the cost of a new bedroom set would have easily been justified, rather than moving the old, decrepit one. Food for thought.
What tips do you have to share? This was only my 24th move and I’m always looking for tips to pass along.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I was talking to a newly-single man the other day and he mentioned that he was learning how to cook, now that his wife had left him. Then I found out he was living on frozen breakfasts and dinners and that his idea of cooking was putting a frozen entree into the microwave and turning it on for a couple of minutes.
Folks, that is not learning how to cook. Not even close. If you are in the situation where you are now cooking for one, it can be tempting to hit the frozen food department of your local grocery store and call it a day (or night). Try to overcome that. Yes, the small, wasteful size of something may mean that you are paying more for a dinner than you would have if you were cooking for two or more, but at least you know you aren’t getting a bunch of preservatives and chemicals in your meals.
If you really can’t cook at all, you might try signing up for a cooking class at the local community college or Williams Sonoma-like store. Who knows? You might even meet the next Mrs. Right.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A cautionary word is in order: do not scream when you see a bug. Either no one will come (if you live alone in a house) or many people will come (if you live in a condo or apartment). They are called “the police.” The first case will do absolutely no good whatsoever; the second case will require a lot of explanation.
The desired end result is to get rid of the bug or bugs, so please focus on that. Grab a can of bug spray that is appropriate for the kind of bug you see or just grab a tissue and squish the blasted insect and flush its decimated body down the toilet.
Either approach is generally acceptable, depending on the proximity of the can or the tissue and the speed of the varmint. [Note: Hair spray does not work in this type of situation. However, the bug’s hair will stay in place after you douse it. Just kidding here!]
Some folks actually like bugs (just not in their house) and will transport the creature outside to release it. My opinion is that, if you liberate it outdoors, it will return to you sooner or later. It may also bring friends.
My preferred method, therefore, is total annihilation, resulting from the tried and true squash and flush approach. What do you find works best for you?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
What is your house worth? Trulia or Zillow or Realtor.com will give you an estimated value for your home.
However, my real estate buddy told me that they are giving estimated values that are not based on hard comps (that is, comparable properties in your area). They may be comparing houses in neighborhoods that are nearby (within a half a mile or so) but the neighborhoods could be very, very different as far as age, location, and overall value.
Some estimated values do not count basements while others state that there are things in the house that the property does not have (my house is listed on Zillow as having a fireplace because my neighbors have fireplaces. We do not have one).
An experienced listing realtor will give you an estimate that is more exact and will usually be within $20,000 on a half a million dollar home. I suggest that you stick with a professional when it comes to valuing your home.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
One thing that faces newly-single people is figuring out when to shop for supplies. This is especially true with widowers whose wives always made the grocery run. Here are some tips for making that trip a bit more productive.
When the bottle of catsup or the container of strawberries gets low, you probably know it. Would you rather run completely out of something, need it desperately, and then have to make an emergency run to the store to buy it? Nope, I didn’t think so.
When you see that the bottle that you have is less than half full, start looking for specials for that product. If something is on sale, don’t buy ten bottles if you live alone, but do stock up.
Note: Things rot and products have expiration dates. Be sure to check the dates on the side of the container. If you think you won’t use it up by then, only buy one, not fifteen. Even if it is a really good deal, if you aren’t going to use it before it expires, then it really is not wise to buy too many of whatever it is.
Today’s blog is end-of-the-semester short but I hope you found it helpful. What ideas do you have that you’d like to share on going to restock your pantry?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Do you know anyone who has become demented? It is not a pretty process. There is a lovely lady who walks at our local mall who got the dementia diagnosis a couple of years ago. Those of us who know her have watched her mental capacities shrink dramatically.
She still drives herself to and from the mall because her busy family still doesn’t seem to “get it.” She has gone from someone who eagerly joined in our post-walk chats to someone who has difficulty talking. She is a friendly person, but now she goes up to total strangers and hugs them, rubs the backs of attractive men (who seem shocked by the attention), and stops everyone multiple times to say “hello” as she walks down the hallway.
She is an endearing woman with a beautiful smile but she no longer remembers to bathe, wash her hair, or change her clothes. But she still drives. She recently went into diapers because she had numerous daily accidents and her family got tired of moping up after her. But she still travels around town by herself. In her car. Alone.
It is my understanding that there are seven stages of dementia. She seems to be hovering between stages six and seven. What do you recommend for this lady? Her family says they will take away her car at the end of this month, when her license expires, but what do we do until then? I look forward to your comments.
Best,
Dr. Sheri