Hello everyone:
Remarriage is not for everyone. I know some widowers, widows, and divorced folks who are very happy remaining “blessedly single.” Maybe they have been so traumatized by what happened to them that they have no desire to walk down the aisle again.
But what about those people who were so happily married that they are eager to repeat what, for them, was a wonderful experience? More power to them. The thing is, we shouldn’t judge anyone for his or her decision regarding remarriage.
One caveat: This withholding of judgment does not apply to someone who left his or her spouse for greener pastures. If that person cheated on his or her spouse, then all bets are off.
I had the opportunity to spend some time recently with an elderly couple whose spouses died. They had known each other many years before and re-connected through Facebook. They had both been blessed with many years of happiness with their first spouses and had wonderful children and grandchildren, but were now in the position to find one another again. And they did.
It was a blessing to be with them and it was a wonderful testimony to how great remarriage after losing a great spouse can be. My own grandmother buried her first hubby due to cancer and she married a widower several years later, giving her two daughters a wonderful step-father. Her teen-aged daughters absolutely adored their step-father, who took them all into his home and made a wonderful life for them.
So, if you’re up for it, go for it. And let’s congratulate those who make that choice but let’s not judge those who decide differently.
What is your experience with the remarriage question?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
It’s that time of year again- time to get mowing the lawn before it completely hides your house.
There are some hard and fast rules when mowing the lawn, including wearing eye and ear protection and dressing appropriately. Wear closed-toe shoes, long pants, long sleeves, and a hat in order to protect yourself from bugs, flying debris, and sunburn.
Mow your lawn when it is dry and avoid mowing in the heat of the day. Remove any debris that is laying around in the yard, such as sticks, stones, branches, and the like.
Do not run over the debris with the lawn mower. It will not improve the condition of your lawn mower blade. Do not remove anything that is trapped in your mower blades while the mower is running. Keep your hands out of the way or you could get pulled into the blades.
Follow the manufacturer’s directions on using your mower; the owner’s manual should also offer instructions on how to mow your specific type of grass. For example, St. Augustine grass in Florida will be mowed differently from the occasional sprigs of grass (surrounded by weeds and red clay) that we find in Virginia. Someone mowed my grass earlier this week, using a weed wacker. The lawn looks like it, but yard care is included in my rent and I don’t mow lawns. Beggars can’t be choosers, as they say.
Over time, you should vary the direction in which you mow, so that your lawn will not grow solely in one direction or another. Keep the mower blades sharp and always mow in a forward direction.
Drink plenty of fluids to keep yourself hydrated as you mow. This is kind of like shoveling snow: it’s easy to get dehydrated while doing both. It’s important that you not.
I hope this helps as you face another season of lawn maintenance!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Let’s talk about shopping carts today. They are not bumper cars, no matter what one might think.
Gentlemen, you have a tendency to place your cart in the middle of the aisle as you shop. This forces others to wait while you peruse the grocery offerings. Don’t walk away from your cart; stay local. Translation: Your shopping cart is one thing that you really CAN take with you. (At least to the other side of the aisle. )
Waiting for you to decide what you want to buy is not fun. Maybe the others in the store are in a hurry (this is my perpetual condition). Maybe you think that jamming up the aisle is a good way to pick up chicks. It is not, under most circumstances.
The pretty lady who has caught your eye may get a very negative impression by her inability to get around you, so please be considerate and move your cart to one side of the aisle or the other. Take your body with you.
Quick side note: The other day, I got stuck behind a man who loved to eat. I got a view of him that I would have preferred to miss out on, as he repeatedly bent over to check out merchandise on the lower shelves while I waited. Fellows, this is not the same view that you get when a sweet young thing…. but I digress.
Please also note that I turned around and went to another aisle, rather than continue the private showing… but I digress. Again.
Also, gentlemen, please make sure that you check the area immediately surrounding you as you step out into the main aisle to continue your shopping. Otherwise, you may find yourself T-boning the other shoppers.
Further note: Being a thoughtful shopper is actually a more effective way to meet someone new. Men who are considerate are more likely to make a good first impression that might, just might, lead to an exchange of phone numbers and/or email addresses. Disclaimer: This may or may not happen, but you can dream.
This scenario is opposed to exchanging insurance information because you mowed the lady down in your unbridled haste (or lack thereof). Your call.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Traveling has become a recent occurrence in my life ever since my mother died. About once a month, I go from Point A to Point B to visit my elderly father.
One thing I learned pretty quickly was that it is very easy to lose your car in a 9-story parking garage at the airport. Covered parking is only one of the options available at the airport, so how do you know where you left your car when you get back? I have run into folks who were clueless, telling me, “Oh, I left my car in the garage. Won’t the bus take me back to it?”
Well, yes, in a manner of speaking. The bus, if you hop on the right one, will take you to the garage. Keep in mind that there are a boatload of parking options at larger airports, so which bus will you get on? Daily? Long term A? Long term B? Amtrak? Metro? You get the idea.
Let’s say you get on the right bus. Now, at which stop do you get off? With the Daily Parking Garage, you have four more choices. Then you have to decide which floor to go to. There are nine options with this decision.
“Whoa,” you might say. “Slow down here.”
Let’s work through this backwards, to figure out how to find your vehicle. You arrive at the airport and decide on the Daily garage. Superb. If this is the first time you parked there, write it down. Next, pull into the parking space, making note of which floor, which aisle, and which space you are in. For example, 7H 42. Write it down and put the piece of paper somewhere you can find it easily. Do not leave it in your car. Do, on the other hand, leave your parking ticket in the car (see the next paragraph).
Make sure you put enough cash in your car, along with the parking lot entrance ticket, to pay for your parking expenses when you get back. You may return from your trip penniless. (My record is 25 cents.) That way, you can get your car out of hock without having to go to a strange ATM with your suitcases in tow.
Do not lose the parking ticket or you will have to fill out forms galore and prove when you took off and landed, in order to get out of the garage. I will be the poor, in-a-hurry slob behind you in the cash payment line who has to wait for you to fill out the form, pay through the nose for your parking, and chat with the employee about how unfair it is….I’ve been behind plenty of those folks and had some unkind thoughts about them during the ten minutes it took them to pay their way out of the garage. Help me keep my Baptist, folks. Don’t lose that ticket!
So, you are on the right bus. Take a minute and locate your piece of paper that has your floor, aisle, and parking space written on it. Get off the bus when you get to the garage, take all of your baggage (and small children) with you, take the elevator to the right floor, and there’s your space!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
You know those weird sounds that you have been hearing, the ones that sound like scratching? Do you sometimes find strange brown turds on your counter tops? Have you ever reached into a cardboard box that you had in the shed and saw something move out of the corner of your eye?
My dear, you have mice (or, at the very least, mouse). Keep in mind that these critters are very fertile and letting one live with you can lead to your having a whole colony of mice.
You need to get rid of them ASAP. There are various ways of doing this; we have effectively used baited traps in our garage and basement. The upside is that the traps can be baited with peanut butter; the bad news is that you have to get rid of the mouse after you catch it and it may still be alive, just stuck.
When a mouse threatened the sanity of my time working in our garage a few years back, we put out a snare, only to find that the mouse survived the entrapment.
When the little critter showed up for the peanut butter feast, my hubby was out of town, so I managed to get the mouse and trap into the middle of the garage, covered it with a layer of cardboard (to protect my tires), and drove back and forth over the covered mouse until there were no more signs of life underneath.
I then swept the entire contraption outside and moved the car back into the now-mouse-free space. The deceased rodent thoughtfully remained under the cardboard until my husband returned home, though it might have looked a bit odd to the neighbors.
A good friend of mine has a cat that periodically demonstrates its love by depositing half-dead mice at her feet. After she got somewhat used to this method of devotion, she said that her favorite means of removal was to pick the rodent up with a large pair of kitchen tongs and place the unfortunate animal in the toilet, for rapid flushing.
She must have a really high-quality toilet, since there is no problem with the toilet accepting the mouse for disposal. If you have a toilet that might not take such deposits, you might be better off using the tongs to toss the creature outside in order to rid your home of it.
However, if the animal steadfastly refuses to die, you could have a problem with a mad, injured mouse returning to torment your life via the courtesy of your cat, since the mouse would be considerably easier to catch in its current condition.
Do you have any stories of woe regarding these furry little critters? I would love to have you share your tales with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I discovered something last weekend that was very, very bad. The weather was nice and my front porch seemed to come alive in the warmer weather.
Sure enough, the pest control fellow discovered a boatload of carpenter bees had taken up residence under my front porch. An infestation, if you will. A huge bother.
The good news about carpenter bees is that they don’t sting. The other good news is that they are merely curious about who and what you are. They seem particularly fond of people with flowers in their hair. Or person. Oh, joy!
Additional news, albeit bad, is that they have pinchers that like to grab a hold of something and eat it. Like the wood on your wooden porch, for example. Failing to find purchase on your porch, they are also willing to take a nibble on you.
Talking to the man at the bank, I was informed that he likes to rid his home of these pests by offering tennis rackets to his kids and letting them have at it. It’s a two-for-one special, as his kids get some much-needed exercise and he gets rid of the bees. I prefer the “squirt and murder” approach to the bees, so I asked the exterminator to spray the life out of them.
He tried Plan A with regard to my newest family members; he will be back in a week if they are still hanging (or, in this case, flying) around. I’ll keep you posted.
Do you have any tried-and-true methods of extermination?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I spoke with some widows and divorcees recently and this blog posting is their take on the dating scene:
One of my widow friends told me that one of the hardest things she faced was the fact that she was single again. She kept referring to things that “we” were going to do. Finally her son said, “Mom, you’re single. There is no ‘we.’”
She eventually found a very nice widower to do things with, although neither one of the two wants to remarry. They both had wonderful spouses and don’t want to replace them. They go out and do things together, but still return to their own homes at night. When they travel together, they have separate accommodations. They have settled into a very comfortable relationship that meets their needs.
My wealthy widowed friend told me that widows should “watch out for frogs.” What she meant was to be on the lookout for old, ugly men who are looking for a “nurse or a purse.” She also called them “Cretans” who will tell you that you are not worthwhile and that they are doing you a favor by dating you.
She warned me that many women, after being widowed or divorced, see themselves as being unworthy or are feeling deserted. She stated that “you have more to bring to the table than you think” but that remarriage might not necessarily be a good thing for you. Instead, she urged those who are suddenly-single to realize that now they can come and go as they please and do things that a spouse might not be on board with, such as traveling and being involved in various organizations.
She also cautioned that the world of dating has changed a lot in the past few years and that the moral standards (or, actually, the complete lack of moral standards) might not be in agreement with what the newly-single person believes in. Rather than be pressured into doing things that someone would not normally do, she said it might be better to remain happily unmarried. She has followed her own advice here.
Another gal I know who has been divorced for some time still wears a ring on her ring finger. When I asked why, she told me that she had been through a disastrous marriage and divorce. She has no intention of ever re-marrying, so she had her wedding ring remade into a dinner ring. She wears it as “a deterrent.”
This has apparently worked very well for her. She isn’t dating and men don’t hit on her when they see the ring. To be fair, this also sends away potential quality suitors as well, but she is determined to remain happily single. She has a lovely home and an excellent job. She loves her life as it is and feels no need to share it with someone.
If you feel that you absolutely want to get started on the dating scene again, it is my understanding that the place to pick up chicks is in the food store and the place to pick up guys is in the Home Depot. I do not have personal experience with this; I am relying on the advice of someone who apparently does.
One thing I will mention is: it is really tacky to bring your girlfriend to your wife’s funeral. Do not be like Ryan O’Neal and try to pick up a gal as you place your significant other’s casket in the hearse (O’Neal, according to the rag magazines, tried to hit on a pretty blonde as he loaded Farah Fawcett’s body into the hearse; it turned out the woman he was allegedly trying to pick up was his own daughter, Tatum O’Neal. He had been estranged from Tatum for some years and claimed he did not recognize her). This lacks good taste, folks.
So, what is your take on the dating scene, my friends who are widowed or divorced? I would like to know what you thing about the idea of returning to dating after many years. When you share your thoughts, please tell me how long it has been since you had a date with someone besides your husband or wife.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
If you have something in your closet that you argue with yourself about every time you go to put it on, give it away. Be brutal. If you haven’t worn an outfit in a year or more, chances are slim that you will wear it now. (Especially if you aren’t slim enough to wear it now.)
As the saying goes, “You have to get rid of what you don’t want in your life to make room for what you do want.” Do you really want to keep those ugly, dated shoes with the worn-down heels? It would probably cost more to have them re-heeled than they are worth.
As you work through your closet, have three piles: give away, throw away, and keep. As the closet empties out, dust for cobwebs and clean off the shelves and floor. As you put away your “keep” pile, your closet will be cleaned, as well as cleaned out.
Please note that this works well on dressers, as well. Do you really want to hold onto a nightgown that itches, a belt that pinches, or underwear that cinches? Nope. Give them away or throw them away.
Undergarments that don’t fit will not lead to a nice-looking appearance. The battle of the bulge will throw off your whole look, so toss or give away these items, pronto. Do you really want to keep something that seems to indicate you have two sets of cleavage? I didn’t think so. Ladies, there is nothing even remotely sexy about back cleavage.
What ideas would you like to share about getting rid of old clothing? I would love to have you share some tips, as well.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Have you ever had a refrigerator with a door ice maker refuse to give up its wares? I have and I figured out how to unstick the stuck. That is the topic of today’s blog posting, profound though it is.
I went to my refrigerator, pushed my glass underneath the ice dispenser, and ….nothing but a groaning came from my appliance. Being a patient person (or not, as is actually the case), I tried again. The refrigerator strained with all its might but… still nothing.
I opened the freezer and reached into the ice dispenser at the top of the freezer section and scooped out the much-needed ice (smoothies are not as exciting minus the ice cubes) and went on my way. But I realized that something had to be done. I could not keep on living like this. But what?
By the next time I needed ice, the problem was solved. I opened the freezer and played around with the ice cubes that had already dropped into the area where they are either liberated as whole pieces or pulverized into ice chips (please note the need to be extremely careful here- the metal ice pulverizers at the bottom of that part of your door mean serious business and could easily mangle your hand, if you aren’t aware they are there, lurking in the darkness.)
Sure enough, the ice waiting in that area was frozen solid….I lifted it out, freeing the unit to go about its normal business and make ice cubes fall freely down the ramp and into my waiting glass. Success was mine!
Now if I could only get the ice maker to stop throwing out random ice cubes about 30 minutes after I ask for ice…they fall on the floor with quite a racket and has startled me out of a deep sleep…Suggestions?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A friend of mine, who has been a real estate broker/owner for over 30 years, told me that the first thing someone should do when considering the sale of his or her home after the passing or departure of a spouse is to wait six months before doing anything.
If you can afford the mortgage payment and the bills you have, wait before making a huge decision like selling your house. He suggested that you “take a deep breath” and figure out exactly why you want to sell your home.
Are you an older individual who wants to live closer to your children? The problem with that is that your child might get a wonderful job offer in the near future and have to decide between staying nearby to keep you company or deserting you for a better job opportunity.
Let’s say you sell your home, move quickly to be near the kids, and six months later, they have sold their home and moved away. Where would that leave you? You would be in a new place where you have few (if any) friends and you would be totally alone in a new town.
If you feel you have to move, move somewhere that you want to live. Make sure your new location is near a large airport so that you can visit your children a few times a year.
Note on airports: You may find that the nearest airport has horrible rates for flying to your children’s location. I learned recently that it was considerably cheaper to drive back to my former area and fly out of that location, rather than pay five times the rate to fly locally. The cost of my time was about the same, due to lack of nonstop flights from the new airport and hours lost due to layovers.
Let’s do the math. It takes me five hours to drive to my former airport but the cost of a ticket to my kids’ location is less than $200, one way for a nonstop 2 hour flight. There are airports very close to where I live now and I could get to three of them in less than 3 hours. I could not get a nonstop, so the flight would take about 6 hours, with layovers, and would cost $500 for a one way ticket.
So a one-way ticket from the old airport is $200 or less, but requires a 7 hour commitment of time, one way (not including TSA time in either scenario). A one-way ticket from the new airport is $500 and requires a 9 hour commitment of time, one way. My path to the old airport is a lovely drive through the countryside, so guess which way I chose?
This is food for thought as you decide to sell and move to a new place for a fresh start. I would love to hear what you think about this topic!
Best,
Dr. Sheri