Hello everyone:

I spoke with some widows and divorcees recently and this blog posting is their take on the dating scene:

One of my widow friends told me that one of the hardest things she faced was the fact that she was single again. She kept referring to things that “we” were going to do. Finally her son said, “Mom, you’re single. There is no ‘we.’”

She eventually found a very nice widower to do things with, although neither one of the two wants to remarry. They both had wonderful spouses and don’t want to replace them. They go out and do things together, but still return to their own homes at night. When they travel together, they have separate accommodations. They have settled into a very comfortable relationship that meets their needs.

My wealthy widowed friend told me that widows should “watch out for frogs.” What she meant was to be on the lookout for old, ugly men who are looking for a “nurse or a purse.” She also called them “Cretans” who will tell you that you are not worthwhile and that they are doing you a favor by dating you.

She warned me that many women, after being widowed or divorced, see themselves as being unworthy or are feeling deserted. She stated that “you have more to bring to the table than you think” but that remarriage might not necessarily be a good thing for you. Instead, she urged those who are suddenly-single to realize that now they can come and go as they please and do things that a spouse might not be on board with, such as traveling and being involved in various organizations.

She also cautioned that the world of dating has changed a lot in the past few years and that the moral standards (or, actually, the complete lack of moral standards) might not be in agreement with what the newly-single person believes in. Rather than be pressured into doing things that someone would not normally do, she said it might be better to remain happily unmarried.  She has followed her own advice here.

Another gal I know who has been divorced for some time still wears a ring on her ring finger. When I asked why, she told me that she had been through a disastrous marriage and divorce. She has no intention of ever re-marrying, so she had her wedding ring remade into a dinner ring. She wears it as “a deterrent.” 

This has apparently worked very well for her. She isn’t dating and men don’t hit on her when they see the ring. To be fair, this also sends away potential quality suitors as well, but she is determined to remain happily single. She has a lovely home and an excellent job. She loves her life as it is and feels no need to share it with someone.

If you feel that you absolutely want to get started on the dating scene again, it is my understanding that the place to pick up chicks is in the food store and the place to pick up guys is in the Home Depot. I do not have personal experience with this; I am relying on the advice of someone who apparently does.

One thing I will mention is: it is really tacky to bring your girlfriend to your wife’s funeral. Do not be like Ryan O’Neal and try to pick up a gal as you place your significant other’s casket in the hearse (O’Neal, according to the rag magazines, tried to hit on a pretty blonde as he loaded Farah Fawcett’s body into the hearse; it turned out the woman he was allegedly trying to pick up was his own daughter, Tatum O’Neal. He had been estranged from Tatum for some years and claimed he did not recognize her). This lacks good taste, folks.

So, what is your take on the dating scene, my friends who are widowed or divorced? I would like to know what you thing about the idea of returning to dating after many years. When you share your thoughts, please tell me how long it has been since you had a date with someone besides your husband or wife.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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