Hello everyone:
I was talking to someone the other day about burial at sea, as opposed to land-based burials. I thought you might enjoy the fruits of my research.
A friend told me that some World War II veterans made pre-need arrangements to be buried at sea. My research confirmed that, yes, those types of arrangements did indeed happen, but my friend also mentioned that some of the caskets the men were placed in floated away from the ships after being sent into the sea. He told me that the sailors had to shoot bullets at the caskets to get them to sink.
Sorry folks, the information I uncovered stated that caskets must contain 40 to 60 holes before they are discharged from the ship. The articles I read did not say how the holes were to be placed there, but nothing I read stated that anyone ever fired on caskets as they went on their way. If folks do not wish to be in a casket for burial at sea, they can be placed in a weighted shroud. The main idea is to make sure that the body sinks and does not resurface. You don’t want to know what happens next!
If you are aware of anything like the bullet-holes story, can you please let me know? I am including this topic in my second book, Suddenly Single for Married Couples: A Practical Guide to Hoping for the Best but Preparing for the Worst, and would love to include your thoughts in the book.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Rumor has it that more than one person is cremated at a time and that you may not be given your whole relative (or perhaps you might get part of someone else!) when the crematory gives you the ashes. This is not true; it is actually illegal to do this in the United States, unless it is a case of death during childbirth. Note: You must take the ashes back, so what will you do with them? One of my friends had her hubby’s ashes turned into a bench (along with some concrete and rebar) and she frequently goes out to the riverfront where the bench is and sits on him.
I hope you discussed this with your mate ahead of time or you may have found yourself holding a box of ashes and having no clue what to do with them. One woman I knew took her mom’s ashes and dumped them down the garbage chute at her condominium but this seems rather disrespectful.
Do you have any suggestions for what to do with the cremated remains of your dearly beloved? I would love to hear some practical, or even funny, ideas that you have come up with for handling this delicate situation. (Please note that, with your permission, I would like to use some of the ideas in my next book, Suddenly Single for Married Couples: A Practical Guide to Hoping for the Best but Preparing for the Worst.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I travel through Orlando, Florida once a month, to go visit my widowed father and take care of his condo. Initially, it was difficult to see myself surrounded at the airport by happy families and honeymooners while I was by myself. I found a way to overcome those feelings, first by finding a family that is not focused solely on their handheld devices and talking to them.
I ask if they are headed to see “the Mouse” or “a large rodent”- they generally smile and say “yes.” If they aren’t going to Walt Disney World, then the kids haven’t usually picked up on my reference, and we chat about where they are going. If they do plan a visit to Mickey and Minnie, I share how I was an original cast member when the park opened in 1971.
Another way to keep your mind off of traveling alone in the midst of folks traveling together is to fitness walk before your flight, keeping in the general vicinity of the gate you will be leaving from as the flight gets closer. [Note: Visit the gate at the beginning of your walk so that you know exactly where it is and keep an ear out for announcements of gate changes.]
BTW, it is easy to know when you ought to visit the restroom before a flight. Once the incoming plane lands, you have about five minutes before folks start coming out of the plane and heading for the nearest bathroom. You need to beat them to the bathroom, unless you enjoy standing in line. If your plane is already at the gate, you can figure out how long before you board by keeping an eye on whether or not the door to the hallway leading to the plane is open or closed. If it is open, then you will begin boarding pretty soon. You still have time to make it to a nearby restroom, unless you dilly dally. If it is still closed, then you have a longer wait to board.
Once on the flight, pull out that book you have been dying to read and get started. The book is also a meal companion, should you want to look engaged when dining out alone.
When you land, please keep in mind that the nearest bathroom might not be the one to go to, especially if you are female. If time is not of the essence, then you should wait until you get to the second bathroom because the line will be shorter than in the first restroom (unless a flight just landed near that one). The first stall in a given bathroom is frequently the one to use. Studies have also shown that the bacteria count is lower in the first stall because fewer people use it. The majority of folks feel that the privacy in the first stall is not as great as in the later stalls, so they are more likely to use a stall further down the row.
Enjoy your next trip!
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
At our house, light bulb changing is the domain of my husband. However, it is vital that everybody knows how to complete this task as well, or they may be left in the dark someday. Please use the right size light bulb for the fixture. Do not touch the metal thingy as you replace the light bulb or you may need an electrician (or an ambulance). Make sure the light bulb is cool to the touch before removing it and turn the power off before you change it. Getting shocked is no fun. There are YouTube videos on how to do this, so find the one that matches your fixture the closest before you do anything. That way, you can learn from someone who is actually doing it to a lighting fixture that is like yours.
You might prefer to not ask me how to do it. The last time I performed this task, the light bulb I used was the wrong size and my finger touched the metal thingy on the light bulb. I received a nasty electric shock and blew the lighting fixture to kingdom come. It was not a pleasant experience, so check out information on completing this task. The good news is that I am still among the living; the bad news is that the light fixture is not.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Do you ever remember being irrationally terrified as a child? Oh, you didn’t think it was irrational at the time, but it was pretty scary just the same. Maybe you were visiting some distant relative and your parents made you sleep in a dark and unfamiliar bedroom. Perhaps you thought that there was a monster in your closet and that it was coming to get you. Maybe your siblings chased you with cats or perhaps a clueless park ranger held out a huge snake and forced you to touch it, saying you couldn’t have lunch or that you couldn’t go home that day until you did.
These are all things that happened to folks I know. Pretty frightening, to a kid. Do you remember how it felt to be little and afraid? Well, there may be someone in your life right now who is facing his or her own terrors. To you and to me, the fears may seem pretty foolish. To your elderly relative, not so much.
Older folks’ minds sometimes play tricks on them. They think that there is someone hiding under their bed. Or maybe they think that there is a mountain lion outside their bedroom window, waiting to devour them. Or that the soap that they shower with will cause their skin to disintegrate. Or……just about a million other things. These fears are very real to them, just like that dark bedroom was to you when you were little.
It isn’t easy to deal with these fears. You may comfort your mom or dad and then have to do it all over again, five minutes later. The thing we need to keep in mind is that these fears are just as real as that monster in your closet was when you were young. Just as a cat was so fearful to us so many years ago or that the snake was so gigantic, they face their fears on a daily and moment-by-moment basis. We need to offer our parents reassurance and support, no matter how silly or ridiculous their stories sound to our adult minds.
How do you deal with helping your family member overcome fear? Is there something special you do to allay their concerns? I would love to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Yes, I am advocating for dirt today! Actually, this is someone nicknamed “Dirt”- no actual dirt is involved.
A friend of mine lost her hubby many years ago. She had a big house and no idea of how to maintain it. Through a friend of her daughter’s, she became acquainted with a handyman whose name her daughter misunderstood. She thought her mother called him “Dirt,” so the name stuck to this day.
He does everything around her house, which is a real blessing to her. He puts up the Christmas tree each year (and takes it down). He decorates her yard beyond belief- and that’s just at Christmastime. He does any and all repairs (small or large), tells her when something needs to be done (or will need to be done in the future), and coordinates the ongoing maintenance of her home.
This man is priceless! If a gal cannot do home maintenance herself, she needs to hire a “Dirt” for herself. I understand that some women do not have the financial wherewithal to hire someone full time, but getting a trustworthy handyman to come in and take a look at what you need to have done around your home can save you money in the long run. It’s better to have your own “Dirt” tell you that something needs fixing before it breaks down (and things usually do this at the most inconvenient time possible!).
It has been worth every penny she has ever paid him, from the peace of mind of knowing that the house is in god hands, to having the work done in a timely manner. Dirt, as you see, can be a very good thing indeed!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today’s blog is an excerpt from my second book, Suddenly Single for Married Couples: A Practical Guide to Hoping for th eBest but Preparing for the Worst. I hope you enjoy it!
Gentlemen, one of the greatest gifts you can give your wife is the freedom not to have to remarry after your demise. One of my church friends is a widow whose hubby very suddenly died of a heart attack during a family vacation. He was only in his 60s and was in relatively good health, otherwise. She and the rest of the family were in shock. To his credit, he provided very well for her and she has been able to live comfortably on the insurance money and investments he had for 20+ years. Some widows are not so fortunate and have no choice (other than poverty) to remarry quickly. Instead, she is able to maintain her household, help her grown children as need be, and travel modestly when she desires. For a short time, she dated three men at the same time, going to stamp club with one, the morning church services with another, and sitting with the third man at evening services. When I asked her if she planned to marry one of them, she replied, “Why would I do that? When I get tired of whoever I am with, I send him home.” Two of the men since then died; the stamp club fellow moved to Florida. It’s nice to know that she has not been forced into remarriage due to finances.
According to the Huffington Post blog the Savvy Senior, remarriage can affect your estate planning because the new spouse may be entitled to a percentage of your estate- as much as one-third to one-half- unless you have a prenuptial agreement (para. 2). You will also be responsible for paying for your new spouse’s long-term care and medical bills (para. 3). Remarrying can also influence the collection of your former spouse’s Social Security (para. 5), pension benefits (para. 6), alimony (para. 7), and college aid for your children (para. 8). These are financial matters that must be taken seriously.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today’s blog asks the question: how do you pay for it all? A friend of mine recently found herself in an awkward situation:
She’s divorced, her ex does not pay any child support, her mother was ill and elderly, she is nearing retirement age herself, and her son is preparing to enter high school and is discussing colleges he might like to attend. So, how is she to pay for all of her son’s expenses, a nursing home for her demented mother, prepare for her own retirement, and pay for at least four years of college?
As it turned out, her mother died unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago and she found out that her son is doing so well in middle school that he will be taking all honors classes in high school. This will increase the likelihood that he will be able to get a scholarship, especially since he is also gifted at sailing and one of the colleges he is considering offers sailing scholarships. She may need to keep working longer than she originally thought but she is making plans for her future financial security.
What things have you been doing as a newly-single person to shore up your elderly years? If you haven’t given it much thought, you should.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
This might seem like a downer of a blog for today, but how much did you love your spouse? Are you one of those folks who somehow believe that your spouse was a mere placeholder for the woman (or man) of your dreams? If so, then your time of grief might be considerably less than someone else’s season of mourning. Are you a fellow who says he will re-marry “immediately” if your wife dies? Does she know you feel that way?
A friend of mine lost his wife last year and an old flame has come into his life. He is very excited about this new relationship, but his family is less enthusiastic about his new woman. Another man I know says that, when his wife dies (she isn’t even sick!), he will clap his hands together and say, “Next!” A gal who took care of her ailing hubby for ten years told me recently that “no one will ever replace Bob. I miss him every day, even though I had to do everything for him in the end.” Some friends of mine have a brother-in-law who started dating (officially, anyway) two weeks after his wife died of breast cancer. When that relationship soured, he moved his new and younger love into the family home six months after his wife passed. When that woman went her own way, he took up with an even younger woman; his three teens are struggling with getting to know their father’s third girlfriend in two years.
How do you feel about this? What do you think is a reasonable amount of time to mourn the death of someone or the end of a relationship? I would love to get your insight into this.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
What in the world do worms have to do with a foundation or with you? My sister-in-law is a gardener and she says that worms are essential for having good soil and, therefore, a good garden.
Much like a garden, our relationships need to have a good foundation. If you have just met someone, it is easy to think that they hung the moon, especially if you are a new widow or widower or a new divorcee. Sadly, there can be such a hurry to not be lonely anymore that we miss out on the foundation of that relationship, or the worms, if you will.
What are some worms? Having a spiritual foundation is vital, so that we are not unequally joked, but it is also important to make sure that we are not so eager to be in a relationship that we overlook who that person really is. How well do we know someone? One of my friends actually bought a house with her boyfriend, only to find out later that he wasn’t the person she thought he was. He turned out to have an anger problem, in addition to being rather unpleasant in general. She hadn’t focused on the worms in her haste to be involved with someone quickly.
What worms do you recommend that someone has before launching into a relationship?
Best,
Dr. Sheri