Hello everyone:
An acquaintance of mine shared with us on Facebook that her hubby of 19 years had moved to a state where marijuana was legal so he could smoke pot without fear of the law.
Several months later, he called and told her that he and his girlfriend and some of his new buddies were coming back to their home to get all of his stuff, and oh, by the way, he wants a divorce asap. As a Christian, she was shocked that he had fallen so far.
Today was the day that he came, he saw, he took, he signed, and he left. The marriage is over, officially broken. The house is sold; the papers have been signed. His things are gone, off to his new life. Her life has taken turns she did not expect, but there it is. Alone.
Alone, but not completely. She has some friends who are supporting her emotionally and prayerfully. Her question now seems to be “What do I do now?’
Friends, that is why I have written Suddenly Single. To answer that very question. Please share this website with your friends, many of whom may be going through a similar circumstance, or at least something with the same outcome. Divorce. Being alone.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
The people of Florida are dealing with the leftover issues of Hurricane Irma this week. As of yesterday, 7 million people did not have power or water in their homes. This can be very difficult in the midst of trying times for folks who are dealing with elderly relatives.
Here are some quick tips:
Make sure that your elderly relative (and you personally, for that matter) remains hydrated. I hope you purchased extra supplies of water before the storm. If you have lost your power and have no means of ventilation in your home, they will “dry out” faster and have a greater need for fluids.
Try to have some movement of air in the house. If possible, open windows across from each other, so that you get some cross-ventilation going on there. If that doesn’t work so well, try to get your relative outside for some fresh air. That was a bit difficult yesterday, since the outside temperature was in the 90s but today it is a little better, so do get him or her outside. Fresh air, especially if it is accompanied by a breeze, can be rejuvenating.
If you also lost your water, then perhaps you cannot flush the toilets (hopefully, you collected some water in your bathtub before the storm and have a bucket handy. If not, please plan better next time). The rule of thumb would be to “not flush for number one” more than a couple of times a day. If you are a lady and need toilet paper, put your used paper in a Ziploc baggie and start a new baggie when the old one gets full. That way, when your water does come back, you won’t clog up your toilet with a lot of paper, but you can still use the normal amount when you visit the bathroom.
If you have a pool that has not been dirtied up by the storm, you can use that for bathing….sort of. The question becomes: Do I want to smell of sweat or chlorine? Your call on that one- I wouldn’t begin to tell you which one to choose!
The good news is that one of your neighbors might get power and water back before you do. How good of a friend are you? They may invite you over to bathe, which would be incredibly kind of them. If they do, please clean up after yourself and bring your own towels, if possible. Yes, you won’t be able to wash your towels afterwards but at least you will be showing yourself to be a good neighbor.
If you have some tips to share, I would love to hear your ideas!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Veteran Hurricane Survivor
Hello everyone:
In honor of the hurricanes that have been ripping through the States these days, I would like to share some hurricane shutter maintenance ideas with you today.
These lovely items are used mostly in the south. Fortunate folks have the electric kind that go up and down with a flick of a switch. Others have the manual kind, where it is necessary to use brutal force (or a big stick) to get them up and down. While we are on the topic, we will go over both kinds, but here is one tip for both kinds of owners: at least once a month, open and close them, to make sure that they have not frozen either open or closed. Can you get them all the way open or all the way closed? With electric shutters, the main problem is that they can freeze in place if you don’t open and close them regularly. Even though you won’t need them except in case of emergency, take the time to open and close them about once a month. This is especially important, since chances are excellent that you live in an area where the moisture in the air corrodes things.
Most electric shutters come with a back-up battery. Keep it plugged in and fully charged so that you can still get your shutters up and down in case of power loss. Please note that the information on lubricating shutters in the next paragraph also applies to electric shutters; they need to be lubricated on a regular basis, just like their manual counterparts.
With manual shutters, they can be very stubborn when you are trying to open or close them. Make sure you have used a silicone spray lubricant sparingly on the lock, the rolls, and the tracks on the side of the shutters, if they do not want to open when they are closed. (The lubricant will stain whatever it lands on, including concrete if you are outside when you use it and rugs if you are inside, so don’t use a lot of it. Have a rag handy and wipe up any excessive lubricant that is dripping.) Slip the key into the lock and turn it carefully. Do not force it, or you may end up breaking the little key that you get with these kinds of shutters.
If the lock is stubborn, wiggle the whole shutter a bit, to loosen things up. I keep a 1×2 stick with me when opening or closing my Florida condo’s hurricane shutters. The stick can help you get some torque as you open the shutter, but the stick can also be slipped onto the bottom rung of the shutter when you are trying with all your strength to close it. Try to move quickly and with force as you pull down the shutter. Put the stick in the bottom rung after you have the shutter about ¾ of the way closed and put your weight behind the force as you push the shutter completely down. It should click when it is locked.
You may notice that the outside of your shutters gets dirty. I suggest using Windex and paper towels on the outside of the shutters on a monthly basis. If you don’t clean them, your hands will get very dirty as you open and close them. They clean very easily and offer you the opportunity to meet and greet your neighbors.
I hope that this helps guide you with the use of your shutters. Otherwise, the experience of dealing with them could make you….well, shudder.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A friend of mine is a fellow with a real heart for older folks. He took care of an elderly neighbor for many years because she had no family. It came as a real shock when, following her death, her lawyer informed him that the woman had left everything to him. This included a small bank account and her house, which was in dire need of repair. He is a contractor by trade, so he immediately set to work to get it ready to sell.
He was not prepared for the next shock: she had gotten a reverse mortgage several years prior to her death. She had been living on the money from the mortgage and had left him a house whose equity was almost totally eaten up by the mortgage.
By the time everything was over, he barely made enough money to pay for the expenses he had incurred while fixing up the house. It was only the search by the title company that revealed that there was a mortgage on the property; she had no paperwork in the house that indicated it was anything but paid for and he assumed that it was free and clear of encumbrances.
Oops. Perhaps he should have checked things out more carefully. He would have still taken the house most likely, but he would have watched his expenses more carefully when getting ready to sell the house. By doing so, he would have probably eked out a small profit or would have at least had a more comfortable expense-versus-money-received margin at the end of the day.
Do you have a similar tale of woe to share with my readers? I would love to hear from you and to include your story (without names being mentioned) in my next book.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When I was a girl, we had license tags that were changed annually. The screws were frequently corroded onto the plate, so my dad would take Coke and douse the screws. The next day, the Coke had eaten through the rust and he could get the license tag bolts to turn more easily. [I am grateful that I have an allergy to Coke because I cannot imagine what it does to one’s stomach if it will remove rust.]
The point of this story is: How many of us would have thought to use Coke to get rid of rust and corrosion? Without the internet to guide us, probably not too many of us would have come up with this idea. Like removing license tags from years gone by, there are a lot of things that need to be done to maintain your home.
In fact, there is a whole plethora of things to do for your house that you probably never thought about…until now.
The list is pretty extensive, but here are what a couple of my friends and family members say you need to take care of on a regular basis: maintain the water treatment system if your home has one, make sure the roof is in good repair, keep gutters clog-free, fix any plumbing leaks promptly before extensive damage occurs, clear any drains that might be clogged, unclog toilets as needed, replace light bulbs when they burn out, maintain or replace appliances, keep garage door openers functional, change filters on your HVAC system, have the HVAC system serviced regularly, prevent bug and insect infestations, control rodents, know when to take trash out for pickup (and when to bring the trashcans back to the house), and keep walls and ceilings freshly painted.
Wow- that sounds like quite a list. The good news is that your spouse actually did more to contribute to the household than you originally thought. The bad news is that, now that you are alone, you either have to do them or you have to pay someone else to do them for you.
The good news is that I tell you how to do all of these things in my book, Suddenly Single. The bad news is that it hasn’t been published yet.
The good news is that you can help make that publication a reality by liking, sharing, and commenting on this blog. The bad news is that I need a boat load of folks to do that.
The good news is that, if you send this blog to everyone you know, that can happen a lot faster than it would if you just say, “Oh, this is nice” and move on. Let’s make some good news, folks!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Even though I usually blog on Tuesdays and Fridays, this simply could not wait. There is a sale that I absolutely must tell you about.
It is at one of my favorite stores, Banana Republic. Their merchandise is nicely made and is generally a great price. I shop there several times a year, especially for my sons.
Here’s the deal: when I was walking at the mall today, I noticed a giagantic sign on Banana Republic’s window: 40% off everything! Hey, that sounded good to me, count me in.
Underneath that siren call were the somewhat smaller words “No exclusions for Banana Republic merchandise.” I thought everything in that store was BR merchandise, but who am I to argue? Fine, we’re still good. I’m going to get my purse when my fitness walk is finished and I am so in that store!
Underneath those words, in much smaller font, were the words “some exclusions apply.” Now wait a minute here. Everything is included, including the inclusion of merchandise that BR doesn’t actually own, except for what is not included. Am I following here? Or are we excluding exclusions for the purposes of exclusion? I am not sure what’s happening here, but it doesn’t sound good.
This kinda reminds me of the one-day Macy’s sales that are frequently advertised. The preview day is Friday and the sale is Saturday but it has been my experience when attending preview days that they NEVER ask you to put the merchandise back and return on Saturday. We may have some fuzzy math going here, but that really sounds like a two-day one-day sale there. (If they really wanted to be creative, why not add in a “review day” so that their two-day one-day sale could actually last three days?) Macy’s, I have provided that worthwhile idea completely free of charge. You’re welcome.
Folks, can you help me out here? What is going on with my beloved Banana Republic? Is what I want excluded or included? It would be great to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Yes, this is a blog about water. Why in the world should we waste time on that topic?
Well, it isn’t a waste if it helps an elderly person keep his or her sanity for one more day. You see, if an elderly person gets dehydrated, it can lead to mental confusion or dizziness (which could lead to a fall which could lead to broken bones which could result in being put in a nursing home).
The problem is that older folks don’t like to have to get out of their chairs to take a potty break. It can be embarrassing to get in the car to go somewhere and have to ask for a pit stop. It can be troublesome to be at the grocery store and barely make it to the toilet. It can be bothersome to have to leave a meal in the middle of your dinner in order to go to the bathroom.
But, the opposite end of the spectrum (not drinking fluids to avoid the bathroom) can result in mental confusion, dizziness, and fainting. If you are responsible for paying your bills, mental confusion can lead to over- or under-payment. If you become dizzy, you can pass out cold and come to, only to discover that you have major injuries. If you live alone and faint, it can be hours or days before someone finds you.
Please make a point of being cognizant of the need to drink water, even if it means multiple trips to the bathroom. It’s better to run through a lot of toilet paper than to to find your obituary in the newspaper.
What stories of dehydrated folks would you like to share, to help others avoid this pitfall?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I run into several suddenly single divorcees every school semester. These are gals who thought they had their whole lives planned out, until they got the shock of their lives when their hubbies wanted out. They decided to go back to college and get the degree that they are sure will set them on a more financially sound future.
As a college professor, I think they are on the right track. Usually they are getting into nursing, which I understand is an in-demand field that should keep them financially afloat. These ladies deserve kudos for what they are doing and I would like to dedicate this blog to them.
From my observation, they are the following:
Hard-working
Serious students
Managing their family, their home, their work, and their school work without breaking a sweat. (Well, maybe a little sweat, but let’s call it “glistening” instead.)
They get assignments in on time; those assignments are done correctly the first time.
They do not make excuses for why they can’t do their work. As the commercials say, they “just do it.”
They are sometimes broken in spirit but I’m telling them right now that I have the utmost respect for what they are doing.
They are winners, no matter what their ex says.
You can do this, ladies! Go for it and do not be weary in doing well!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When you are taking care of an elderly person, it is vital to know the limits to their energy. I have a dear friend who has cared for her mother for several years and she is wise enough to know how her mother’s abilities have faded. She has learned to make adjustments for them. Her mother’s world is getting smaller and smaller as time goes on.
I have had to learn the same lesson, as I visit with my father on a monthly basis. We no longer make 5 or 4 or 3 or 2 or even one walking lap of the mall anymore. Walking across the parking lot to get to the mall in the first place has not been a reality for several years (even if it hadn’t been 106 degrees, effectively, yesterday!). His walker has sometimes turned into a wheelchair when we have underestimated his stamina (turn the walker around, have the person sit down, tell him or her to lift his or her feet, and push the walker from behind. Your back will get sore but you will make it back to the car).
How do you know when the limit has been reached? Careful observation is key. Does your loved one seem to struggle at even the most simple of tasks? Maybe you need to get help for that person. Does the individual tire more easily than he or she did in the past? Pay attention to the nonverbal signs.
How have you handled the changes in your loved one’s life? I would love to hear your ideas for how you have adjusted to this new time of life.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I was with an elderly gentleman this week and noticed that the throw rugs he had scattered around his home were getting stuck on his walker. He pushed his way through, but I wondered what these rubber-backed rugs would do if he had not been able to dislodge them from his walker and make them lay flat.
The answer? They could land him on his backside. Talking to an older fellow at dinner last night, he shared how throw rugs could really, well, throw you if you weren’t very careful. He recommended throwing out the throw rugs of an elderly person, saying that they could be a tripping hazard.
A dear friend of mine has tile throughout her home and had used throw rugs to prevent leg pain. That worked fine, until her elderly mother came to live with them and started stumbling her way around. Her shoes got stuck on the rugs and threw her for a loop.
So, from my research here, it seems that the best thing to do with an elderly individual’s throw rug is to pitch them out. What is your experience with this? Do you know a way around this?
Best,
Dr. Sheri