Hello everyone:
One of my students told me this story. It deals with someone always looking for more but learning that the grass is not always greener in another pasture. He learned this when his third wife put him out to pasture.
My student knew a man, who we will call “the Colonial,” as a patient at a home for veterans. My student realized that the man never had any visitors, in spite of having been a man of considerable influence during the span of his military career.
The Colonel shared his story in small parts, over a period of time. He had been married three times, ditching each of his first two wives after they hit the ripe old age of 40, saying “they just kind of lose something around that age, you know?”
He had children with his first two wives, and now has a boatload of grandchildren, who he no longer sees. His third wife (who is now in her mid-40s) was “the best darn divorce lawyer in town.” She now lives comfortably in the house the Colonial paid for, using money from his investments to support her lifestyle. She does not come to see him, preferring the company of younger men to that of her bitter, chronically ill, late-80’s husband.
His kids and grandchildren hate him; his current wife ignores him. He did not make very good plans for his own future, placing great importance on having a trophy wife, but not understanding what would happen to him if he became institutionalized. He seemed to always think that he would find happiness with his next wife, especially if she was young and beautiful. His life would have taken a different turn if he had stayed with the “wife of his youth” and not kept looking…..and looking.
Do you have any similar stories to share?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
One thing that faces newly-single people is figuring out when to shop for supplies. This is especially true with widowers whose wives always made the grocery run. Here are some tips for making that trip a bit more productive.
When the bottle of catsup or the container of strawberries gets low, you probably know it. Would you rather run completely out of something, need it desperately, and then have to make an emergency run to the store to buy it? Nope, I didn’t think so.
When you see that the bottle that you have is less than half full, start looking for specials for that product. If something is on sale, don’t buy ten bottles if you live alone, but do stock up.
Note: Things rot and products have expiration dates. Be sure to check the dates on the side of the container. If you think you won’t use it up by then, only buy one, not fifteen. Even if it is a really good deal, if you aren’t going to use it before it expires, then it really is not wise to buy too many of whatever it is.
Today’s blog is end-of-the-semester short but I hope you found it helpful. What ideas do you have that you’d like to share on going to restock your pantry?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Some widows have a problem in that their husbands drove everywhere so they did not know how to get anywhere. Ladies, if that applies to you, you absolutely must develop a sense of direction. Google maps, while not infallible, are a good start in getting directions so sit down at your computer, pull up the website google maps, and input a couple of addresses so you can learn how to get from Point A to Point B.
Take a trusted friend who has a good sense of direction with you and practice driving! If you don’t want to be stuck in the house all the time, you must get started and there is no time like right now (unless it’s the middle of the night, and then your friend might look at you a bit askance if you suggest a driving lesson). Unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from driving, do not rely on the kindness of your friends and family to drive you around forever. Show some independence and backbone!
Sometimes when you are driving somewhere in an area that you are unfamiliar with, you might find yourself forced to take a different road. I was driving home from work recently; I live some distance from where I am employed and do not know that area very well. As I was headed north on Route 4, the traffic became very backed up, to the point where we were completely stopped on the road which normally has a speed limit of 55.
There was a very bad accident that closed the road, so the police were directing traffic to turn around and head south. That road was the only way I knew to get home and there was no one available to tell me where to go or how to get there. I had a new cellphone and did not know how to use it to find a map of the area. There were no maps in my car, since I had recently traded in my old car and had not returned the maps to my glove compartment. I do not have a GPS with my new vehicle.
What could be done? It was then that I noticed the truck in front of me, which had also been traveling north, had bumper stickers that were from the nearby high school. The man was local, even though I wasn’t. It seemed reasonable to think that a local person would know more than one route to get where he wanted to go, so I followed him. All the time, I kept an eye on the compass on my rear view mirror to make certain we were going in the right direction. I also kept a mental picture of where I was in relationship to the road I had been on. Sure enough, in a few minutes, my unknown local friend had led me successfully back to the road I had been on, albeit past the accident.
I hope this helps get you “on the road again!” What tales of woe do you have to share on this topic? I would love to hear from you!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When I was a single-again, I needed to have my bathtub chalked. The old stuff was old enough to be peeling and my 2-year-old son loved to splash bathwater. I didn’t want to baptize the kitchen of my condo, which was directly below my bathroom, so it became necessary to chalk. Sadly, I hired a teen-aged boy to do it and he really messed it up. By the time he was finished, the chalk looked like whipped cream on my bathtub joints. Either learn how to do it yourself or hire a professional.
You might ask: what is caulk for? Well, it serves a couple of purposes, one of which is to seal up your house so that unwanted critters can’t get in. Bugs and the like can get into your house using the smallest of openings. It also serves to keep water where it should be- in the bathtub and not on the ceiling of the floor beneath the bathroom.
By sealing things up, you can prevent critters from entering and increasing in number inside your residence. It also covers up a multitude of poor joints, hiding the fact that those two pieces of wood along the baseboards did not align exactly as they should have. Caulk makes a nicer-looking finish, as well as helping water stay in the bathroom where it belongs.
Do not try to cut corners with the type of caulk you buy. Get the DAP, 50-year warranty product. If you get the 5 or 10-year guaranteed caulk, you will need to eventually re-do what you spent hours doing. Pay for the 50-year caulk and you won’t find it cracking and peeling off a few years from now. Follow the instructions on the tube carefully; understand that this is a wet job and it needs to be done carefully.
If you have any chalking stories to share, I would love to hear them.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Let me tell you a story about Jim. He’s an elderly man, breathing hard on his mid-eighties. He lived alone. He has no children, and his wife died many years ago.
Recently, he started falling. The last time was about a month ago. Even though his friends had been encouraging him to use a walker, his pride said “absolutely not.” This last fall resulted in a broken hip and he ended up in a nursing home.
The state stepped in, literally, and decided a few things for Jim. First, they sold his car and told him he could no longer drive. Next, they told him he needed to be in a nursing home/rehab center because of his broken hip. Finally, they informed him that they were selling his house …..and that there is nothing he can do about it. He is now permanently installed in a one-bedroom one-bath room at a local rehab center.
Folks, please make plans for what will happen if you ever find yourself in Jim’s shoes. He failed to plan and this is the true story of what happened to him. In the last month.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A cautionary word is in order for my friends who are Suddenly Single: do not scream when you see a bug. Either no one will come (if you live alone in a house) or many people will come (if you live in a condo or apartment). They are called “the police.” The first case will do absolutely no good whatsoever; the second case will require a lot of explanation. The desired end result is to get rid of the bug or bugs, so please focus on that.
Grab a can of bug spray that is appropriate for the kind of bug you see or just grab a tissue and squish the blasted insect and flush its decimated body down the toilet. Either approach is generally acceptable, depending on the proximity of the can or the tissue and the speed of the varmint. [Note: Hair spray does not work in this type of situation. However, the bug’s hair will stay in place after you douse it. Just kidding here!]
Some folks actually like bugs (just not in their house) and will transport the creature outside to release it. My opinion is that, if you liberate it outdoors, it will return to you sooner or later. It may also bring friends. My preferred method, therefore, is total annihilation, resulting from the tried and true squash and flush approach.
Try to find the source of the bugs. You may have to follow a bug to the source before destroying it (this works the best with ants; they seem only too happy to take you back home). Make sure your house is clean. Bugs like dirtiness; this should be a motivation for cleanliness.
Put all foodstuffs into Tupperware-type containers; this will not only keep your food fresher but it will discourage insects from eating the food before you do. Food that should be taken out of the original container and put into plastic ware include cereal, powdered food (put your pancake mix in the plastic box but tear off the cooking instructions and place them on or in the box so you know how to make the food when the time comes), crackers, and pretzels.
Also note that bugs like cardboard boxes, so anything you have stored in them could become a repository for insects. Get rid of the boxes and (if you can’t bear to be without the contents) replace them with plastic storage bins. (I recommend getting the see-through bins, because you can tell what is inside without opening them up.
I hope this helps with those un-wanted visitors. Do you have any special tips to share on how you get rid of these pests?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A leak on the second floor will damage the ceiling on the first floor. You can’t pretend it isn’t there and hope it will go away. If the leak is allowed to fester, you will have to replace the ceiling in whatever room is under the leak, so it is best to get it fixed right away.
Before you automatically think you can’t fix it, google it and see if it is something you can handle. There are several websites that tell you how to fix it in five easy steps, so see if you can find your type of faucet (if that’s what is leaking) online and give it a try. Otherwise, look for the list of plumbers your husband left behind (or go to your hardware store or to your real estate agent for a list of competent plumbers) and get the work done.
Please note: Sometimes the water leak is actually water from the bathtub that the kids have knocked out as they are bathing. The metal ring that seems to serve no purpose that is halfway between the bathtub plug and the faucet can leak and make water go underneath the tub and through your floor, if you splash the water just right. While this should not be your children’s goal, sometimes it does happen.
The good news is that is does not necessarily mean you have a leak somewhere. It means you have rambunctious kids who have gotten somewhat sloppy with their bathwater.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When you are changing a light bulb, there are several things to keep in mind. Please use the right size light bulb for the fixture. It does not work well when you don’t have the right bulb for the job.
Please do not touch the metal thingy as you replace the light bulb or you may need an electrician (or an ambulance). Ladies, this is the voice of experience here.
Next, make sure the light bulb is cool to the touch before removing it. Even if you use a cloth to protect your hand, you still run the risk of getting a nasty burn.
Finally, turn the power off before you change it. Getting shocked is no fun. There are YouTube videos on how to do this, so find the one that matches your fixture before you do anything and learn from someone who is actually doing it (and who knows how to do it properly!).
The last time I performed this task, the light bulb I used was the wrong size and my finger touched the metal thingy on the light bulb. I received a nasty electric shock and blew the lighting fixture to kingdom come. It was not a pleasant experience, so check online for information on completing this task.
The good news is that I am still among the living; the bad news is that the lighting fixture is not. The good news is that we now have a new light fixture; the bad news is that there was nothing wrong with the old one before I changed the light bulb (except that the bulb was old and worn out).
What lighting fixture tales of woe do you have to share?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I was talking with a caregiver today about how demented folks sometimes feel depressed by their lack of contribution to life. She told me about a gal who gave her demented father some sheets of packing material and told him that the company needed him to test their product by popping all of the bubbles. He spends two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon popping the sheets. As a result of his work, he feels like someone needs him. He believes that he is being paid for his work, and recently asked for a raise.
My friend told me how she is looking for a typewriter so that her mother can type up copies of various documents. It is not a matter of my friend needing to have this done, but her mother enjoyed typing as a younger woman and can relate to this activity in spite of her dementia. Her mother also liked to paint, so she is looking for some small project for this elderly woman to work on.
The point here is to find something that your loved one liked to do when he or she was in full possession of his or her faculties and give the individual the chance to keep doing it. This can make a huge difference in how the person feels about life.
What tips do you have for helping demented individuals feel valued?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Sometimes smoke detectors signal their displeasure by going off. This can mean several things: your house is on fire, your candles are burning down, or your home’s heating system is burning off dust because you just switched it from air conditioning to heat. It could also mean that dinner is ready. At my house, it is usually the latter.
If you have not recently changed over from air conditioning to heat and you aren’t cooking or burning candles, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND CALL 911. [Note: It is good to have your HVAC system checked regularly; this can prevent the heart-stopping sound that occurs when your detector goes off unexpectedly.]
Candle safety is also vitally important. Many folks are changing to the fake-flame candles, but others still prefer to have an open flame. (I find that a candle can cover up the smell of burning meals; my hubby used to say that he could tell in advance what dinner would be like by the size of the candle burning when he got home from work. If the big one was going, he would offer to take me out to eat.) If you use old-fashioned candles, keep the wicks trimmed to ¼ inch, do not keep them burning more hours than their width in diameter, and never, ever leave them burning unattended.
When a smoke detector goes off due to burning food (but without a fire), there are several ways to stop the alarm. One is to wave paper near the detector, until the noise stops. Please note that you may also need to open the windows and doors and turn on a fan. You can also take the detector down and throw it in the yard (this is my sister-in-law’s preferred approach). Please resist the temptation to hit the detector with a hammer. While this may work short-term, the end result will be the sudden need to replace the now-destroyed detector. It will, however, solve your immediate problem.
Best,
Dr. Sheri