Hello everyone:
There are several sets of ideal readers for Suddenly Single. They include widows and widowers, new fathers whose wives die during childbirth, divorcees, long-term caregivers, the terminally ill, and relatives of widows and widowers. With the exception of new fathers, the bulk of these readers are Baby Boomers in their 60s and 70s.
Many of them are retired, having planned on spending the rest of their lives with their spouses. They are unexpectedly alone and may be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work that they will now be required to do. If they are a long-term caregiver, statistics show that they did not chose to take over this role, but felt obligated to do so.
Widows and widowers may have had a brief period of time during their spouse’s illness where they became aware that they might end up alone, but the illness may have been brief and left them little or no time to prepare. If they planned their finances carefully, they may be financially secure, or they may be like a divorcee who suddenly realizes that her husband wants to jettison her for a younger model.
The new father who suddenly loses his wife will most likely not be prepared for this situation at all, thinking that he would have many years with his young wife before they had to consider death and dying.
Likewise, divorcees may find themselves suddenly ousted from their seemingly-secure marriages, finding themselves in need of information on how to maintain their homes.
The serious illness of a parent or loved one can add stress as individuals try to juggle the demands of managing more than one household and family. Terminally ill individuals may wish to plan ahead by practically preparing their families for their eventual demise. The relatives of widows and widowers may wish to provide their loved ones with the guidelines for effective household management.
According to the American Community Survey Report, their statistics state that “the majority of widowed males and females were 65 years and over (70 percent and 66 percent, respectively)” (7). Widow’s Hope states that “800,000 people are widowed each year in the United States. Nearly 700,000 women lose their husbands every year and will be widows for an average of 14 years” (para. 1). Widow’s Hope further states that “there are 13.6 million widows in the United States” (para. 2); over half of the women in America who are over 65 years old are widowed (Widow’s Hope, para. 19).
The problem will only increase over time, since the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that there will be 88.5 million people over the age of 65 in 2050 (Profile America Facts for Features, para. 3).
Now you know!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Do you know anyone who requires care? Maybe this person has a caregiver who accompanies him or her everywhere he or she goes. A common reaction to the disabled person is that he or she is ignored or overlooked while folks carry on a conversation with the care provider.
This disabled person could be elderly person who is demented or a fairly young person who is in a wheelchair.
Would you like to be a blessing to both the caregiver and the person receiving that care? Talk to the care receiver. Do not do it in a demeaning way, but actively listen to what the person is saying. If you can’t understand a word, act as if you do. Make that person feel important, valued.
If you approach someone in a wheelchair, get down on that individual’s level, which may mean you have to sit down. Talk to the person as if he or she is important- because disabled folks are just as important as those who are not.
Whether or not someone is able to respond as he or she once was, everyone likes to feel like what he or she says is important. By showing that person is valued, you bless not only the disabled individual, but you bring joy to the caregiver, as well.
Do you have a special way of showing others they are special? I would love to hear your story!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Do you have long-term care insurance? It is extremely expensive to get long-term care; yet you really can’t afford to be without it. Long-term care insurance (LTC), an insurance policy, helps provide for the cost of long-term care beyond a predetermined period. LTC covers care not generally covered by health insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid.
To get into one quality long-term skilled care facility in my area, you are expected to give a one-time “facility gift” of $50,000. The care then runs between $10,000 and $11,000 per month, depending on the level of need. That is a substantial chunk of change, so I hope you can see the need here. Where would you get the money to pay this kind of bill?
The pool of insurance for long-term care usually plans on the costs running about $125,000 per year. However, keep in mind that a joint plan provides this for you and your spouse; if one of you has used it up, there is nothing left for the other spouse to draw on. Folks usually last about four years in one of these facilities. If they stay home and get care, the lifespan is usually 15 years.
Do you qualify for long-term care? If you have pre-existing medical problems, the answer may be “nope.” You have to plan on using long-term care insurance or you could end up in a Medicaid facility. The interesting thing about these places is that, if the treatment you need is not available locally, they can ship you off to the nearest place where it is available.
I heard a horror story lately where an elderly woman who was not insured needed specialized care. One day when her daughters came to visit her, the daughters found out that their mother had been shipped some other place three weeks before their visit that day (they really needed to visit their mother more often!). It took a while before they could even learn where their mother was, since folks had forgotten by then and they had to look it up. As it happened, the mother was shipped from Maryland to Pennsylvania. The daughters, who apparently had not seen fit to visit their mom very often when she was local, now had to drive a distance to check on their mom.
I hope you find this information helpful. It is not meant to provide legal information, but simply to provide a guide towards preparing you for long term need ahead of time.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I met up with a former high school teacher a few years ago, running into him at the mall. After asking what he was doing now, he told me that he was back at the same high school after a five-year break.
He immediately (and voluntarily) launched into an explanation, telling me that he had met a wealthy, older widow a few years before and that she had taken him into her home (and her pocketbook).
Over a period of a couple of months, she began giving him lavish gifts; her financial advisor cautioned her repeatedly that she was running through her estate very quickly, but she told him to mind his own business. One day, she asked her counselor if she should marry her much-younger boyfriend and she was told, “You might as well. You’re spending all of your money on him.”
They got married a short time later and their spending increased. He told me that they thought nothing of taking friends to Paris for the weekend or going to New York City for lunch.
He said that they had spent money like drunken sailors on shore leave, until one day when they found out they were broke. They were forced to sell her gorgeous house and their numerous expensive cars.
When I ran into him, they were living in a very modest home with economical cars. He said, “I spent all of her money and now we are back to where I was before I met her.”
To his credit, he did not divorce her and move on, he was actually taking care of her, albeit at a considerably lesser lifestyle than they had become accustomed to. His hard-earned advice: Be careful with your money and spend carefully!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A cautionary word is in order: do not scream when you see a bug. Either no one will come (if you live alone in a house) or many people will come (if you live in a condo or apartment). They are called “the police.” The first case will do absolutely no good whatsoever; the second case will require a lot of explanation.
The desired end result is to get rid of the bug or bugs, so please focus on that. Grab a can of bug spray that is appropriate for the kind of bug you see or just grab a tissue and squish the blasted insect and flush its decimated body down the toilet.
Either approach is generally acceptable, depending on the proximity of the can or the tissue and the speed of the varmint. [Note: Hair spray does not work in this type of situation. However, the bug’s hair will stay in place after you douse it. Just kidding here!]
Some folks actually like bugs (just not in their house) and will transport the creature outside to release it. My opinion is that, if you liberate it outdoors, it will return to you sooner or later. It may also bring friends.
My preferred method, therefore, is total annihilation, resulting from the tried and true squash and flush approach. What do you find works best for you?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Yesterday I had the opportunity to chat with a recent widow who opened my eyes about things financial and widowhood, so I wanted to pass her comments along to you. Her hubby died six months ago and his finances still aren’t completely worked out. Translation: She hasn’t gotten any money from the estate yet.
The good news is that she owns her own home. More good news is that she had a small “stash of cash” to tide her over. Her husband was sick for two years and she managed to put some funds aside during that time. It’s a good thing she did, because she would be really strapped by now if she hadn’t.
So far, she has had to prove they were married by bringing in their original wedding license.Do you know where yours is?
She said every where she turns, they ask for an original death certificate ($20 each, in Maryland). She also told me that they will send the original death certificates back, if you ask, but that you still need numerous copies.
Because she did not have a financial consultant working for her, her finances have gone to probate court, including some land that he owned but she didn’t. Folks, if you do not have a plan, make one. If you didn’t have a plan and it’s too late for your spouse now, at least you have some company.
What is your sad story to tell?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
While you are in the grocery store, do you go to the self-scan or the line with a cashier? If you are efficient, you may find it faster to scan the grocery items yourself (the register people are lovely individuals, but they are paid by the hour to be there). If you are interested in socializing, see a cashier.
A huge waste of time in the self-scanning line is those folks who do not bag their groceries as they scan. In some grocery stores, you have to place your purchases on a weighted platform as you scan. There are bags there; go ahead and put your items in a bag. Some people put their items on the platform, scan their entire shopping cart full of food, pay, and then bag the groceries. Not only are you placing your stuff on a possibly-germ-infected platform, but you are wasting your own time!
You have to put each item in the bag with enough force that the system picks up the fact that you put your item in the bag (it doesn’t take much pressure to do this), but you can get through the register in half the time if you bag as you go. Some platforms have poor sensors on the outside edge of the platform, so try to stick to placing your newly-bagged groceries in the center of the platform so that you won’t need to wait for customer assistance (voice of experience here!).
Other stores do not have platforms at all; they just have belts that take the purchases to the end of the checkout. Bag some of the items as you go, if there are no baggers to help you. Waiting till the end sometimes means that the next customer in line will begin scanning while you are still bagging and your things can be trampled by their things (there is a large divider available in some stores, but they don’t always get used by people who are in a hurry).
If possible with that type of setup in the store, scan some items, bag some items, scan some more, bag some more, and finish up pretty quickly. If you have too big a backup, the computerized register will tell you to bag some items before you continue scanning. I try to beat her to the punch and bag before she asks.
As you bag items, keep similar items together. If something requires refrigeration when you get home, put it with something else that also needs to go into the freezer or frig quickly. Don’t over-bag- if your items are too heavy, they will break through the plastic or paper bag, usually at a very inconvenient time. This happened to me! Once I had a small cart absolutely filled with groceries. One of the bags burst and the items went rolling away as I walked down the slopped parking lot. As I reached for the fallen items, the cart took off. I seized my fallen purchases and raced after the cart, grabbing it right before it crashed into someone’s vehicle. A nearby customer (he was too far away to do anything but laugh) yelled at me “nice catch, lady!” Lesson learned: don’t overstuff the bags or you will be sorry! I keep the empty plastic bags to use as garbage can liners in my bathrooms.
Another reason it is a good idea to keep similar items together is because you might get distracted when you get home and forget to put something away. Later, it may come to you that something is missing from your shopping order and you can go look for it.
My dearly beloved deceased aunt had a loaf of bread in her shopping one week, but she brought it in with the mail and forgot about it. When we found the loaf of bread years later; it was as hard as stone. She apparently thought she had forgotten to buy it; she never went into the room where she had stashed it, except that day when she came home from the store. You don’t want your heirs to find the bread (or anything else that is perishable) years after the fact.
Want to have a bit of fun at the register? Push the Spanish language button on the machine and then scan the membership card from a different store. The polite lady in the computer gets really testy really fast when you do that! (Well, maybe it’s just that I am easily entertained, but her blood really gets boiling!) My Spanish is not fluent enough to understand what she’s saying but it sure sounds like she’s mad!
Have a great day!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
What is your house worth? Trulia or Zillow or Realtor.com will give you an estimated value for your home.
However, my real estate buddy told me that they are giving estimated values that are not based on hard comps (that is, comparable properties in your area). They may be comparing houses in neighborhoods that are nearby (within a half a mile or so) but the neighborhoods could be very, very different as far as age, location, and overall value.
Some estimated values do not count basements while others state that there are things in the house that the property does not have (my house is listed on Zillow as having a fireplace because my neighbors have fireplaces. We do not have one).
An experienced listing realtor will give you an estimate that is more exact and will usually be within $20,000 on a half a million dollar home. I suggest that you stick with a professional when it comes to valuing your home.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
This week I was preparing to balance my checking account when I noticed a very large charge against the account, one from a place I had never heard of. I immediately went to my bank (I had laryngitis so talking on the phone was not an option) to find out what had happened.
The bank informed me that the money was given to an apartment complex that is about 30 minutes from my house. A phone call to that complex confirmed that a man and woman had rented an apartment and offered my bank account number as the source of the money to pay the rent. More news: a second payment had gone through and my account was now out by almost $3,000.00. Additional news: the withdrawal was set up to happen every month from there on out.
The gal had walked into the manager’s office, said that she was me, and told the lady that she wanted to pay her friend’s rent. I do not know if she was required to show any identification, but, when I asked the rental agent for my money back, she commented, “File a police report.”
They apparently plan on letting the man continue to live there, though the rental agent said, “well, we won’t accept anything except cash or a cashier’s check from him in the future.” They would not be taking any action against him, though she was going to call him right then.
Long story short, I filed a police report but do not know if they will ever serve time for their crime. My bank is investigating the situation and I might get my money back….in a couple of weeks.
Here’s the bottom line: stay on top of things with your bank account. Question anything you find unusual….and jump right on any discrepancies. Three thousand dollars is a lot of money, but it would have been worse, if I hadn’t caught them.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A friend once told me that she was married to a certain point, but that this is a new season of her life, just like it is for yours. You may not have chosen this experience, if it had been left up to you, but here it is.
You have a choice: stay home, eat bonbons and watch soap operas, get old, and die alone or make it so you help someone less fortunate than yourself.
The hardest step will be the first one you take outside your own front door. Maybe you can’t travel a lot but how about volunteering at the local veteran’s center? Your past interest in history could make you a natural tour guide; if you lived through that history, so much the better! How about teaching one other person how to read? How about working with one teen that is on the wrong road?
There are so many prospects for this stage of your life! Look at every day as an opportunity and you will be surprised at how good it feels to focus on others. This is a new season of life for you, and I wish you the best!
Take care,
Dr. Sheri