: Widows & Widowers

Hello everyone:

The future is unknown but be of good courage. This is a pep talk for anyone who is facing an uncertain future. As a Christian, I believe that God is in control. He knows the number of hairs on our heads (and their actual color….just sayin’ here) and the days of our lives. He has a future planned for all of us that may be absolutely amazing, as we trust in Him.

Your life may not be unfolding as you planned. Maybe you lost your spouse to death or divorce. That was not in your game plan. Maybe your spouse decided that someone else looks a lot better to him or her than you do. Hang in there.

I met a young-ish gal recently who is a superb person. Her hubby decided that the cutie pie at work looked more attractive than she did. As a result, she is on her own, having given him the “best years of her life.” Folks, the best years could very well be ahead, not behind you. What she gave was her youth, but not necessarily the best years she had in her.

Hang in there, my friends. The best may very well be to come! In the meantime, please use my website as a source for “what in the world do I do now?”

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

I was talking with a dear friend last night, one whose wife is just getting ready to move their household to another state where my friend got a new job. They are concerned about moving blues, and I thought you might enjoy some thoughts on the matter. Since some of you will be moving out of your family home, there are some emotional issues that you will want to take into consideration.

First, it will take about six months for you to adjust emotionally to your new normal. Studies have shown that women especially have some trouble getting used to the new location. Perhaps you have lived many years in your old home and now circumstances are requiring that you move.

Please understand that you may have dark clouds over your emotional health for a while as you adjust. You aren’t going nuts; this is normal.

Next, don’t have a Pity Party, especially if you like to serve refreshments. This will add pounds and will make you feel even worse.

Try to get involved in a new church and/or a new job as quickly as you can. Finding new friends is vital to feeling better more quickly. Your hubby might have headed off to a new job in the past. He adjusted to the move faster than a stay-at-home wife would, simply because he had new folks to chat with. Isolation will murder your emotional state, so get involved fast, for your own health. There’s nothing worse than getting into that new home and realizing that you don’t have a local friend to call to hang out with.

You might find it helpful to call an old friend and share a cup of coffee with her via the phone. We do have new options that gals a few years back didn’t have. Long distance telephone charges are no longer an issue, so you might try this as a temporary solution. Do keep it temporary, though, because you need to get back on the horse that threw you as soon as possible and got out and meet new people.

Finally, just know that this, too, shall pass. You will meet new friends who will care. Yes, it’s hard but you can do this!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

So, your marriage is over or your dearly beloved spouse has died. Where do you go from here? That’s a great question and it’s one that only you can answer.

First things first, however. You need to adjust to your new normal, whatever that is. Don’t rush into things too quickly. Yes, the swing next to you on the playground is empty, like the gal in this picture, but make sure that you have your own life together before you add anyone new to it. Baggage can weigh you down. Don’t remarry just because you need someone to take out the trash, ladies (this is not Alice’s Restaurant here!). Gentlemen, don’t rush into things just because you need someone to do the laundry and you’re running out of clothes!

This blog offers some very practical advice on how to get the garbage to the side of the curb and how to create a new wardrobe, so take some time out before you jump back into the fray. I hope you’ll take some time to explore the various topics herein and do ask questions if there’s something I didn’t cover that you’d like to read about.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Garage doors are an awesome thing, especially if you have an electric garage door opener. Pulling them up and down under your own power can be a wet activity if it is raining and a snowy activity if it is snowing, so it’s just plain nice to have an electric one do the job for you.

If you lose the power to your house, you will find it difficult to get your car out of the garage, so you will have to pull the emergency cord that hangs down from the opener in order to release the lock it has on the door. If you pull this rope, it will disengage from the opener. This will allow you to manually open the door and get your car out. Once you are outside, pull the garage door down by hand and turn the handle so that the door locks.

Your garage door opener will not work when you come back home after the power is on. You will have to go into the house, come through the garage, get on a ladder, and reattach the opener.  Release the door lock on the door so that your garage door opener can function properly.

[Note: If you do not do this correctly, you could really mess up the garage door, which would collapse under the strain of being opened when it is locked. You do not want that to happen, so make sure that everything is hooked back up correctly and that the door is unlocked.]

If you have done it right, you will then be able to push the garage door opener button and pull your car back inside. If you have not done it properly, you will destroy your garage door.

I had a friend who got into his car, turned it on, and backed out. He’d forgotten to open the garage door. Things did not go well for him. Always open the door before moving in or out.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

In the fall, we “fall back” and in the spring time, we “spring ahead.”

You will need to know how to change the clocks in your house, unless you are fond of being either habitually early or always late, depending on the time of year.

If you have challenges figuring out how to change the time on your current clocks, you might want to purchase some clocks that automatically adjust for Daylight Saving Time.

You also need to change the time in your car; look at your owner’s manual for tips on how to do that; it’s easy, do not fear. If all else fails, go to your place of worship and ask one of the tech-savvy teens to change it for you.

If you cannot adjust your watch, go to a jewelry store in the mall and ask the folks there to give you a hand. With your watch, if all else fails, buy another watch and keep one set for springing ahead and the other for falling back. Don’t forget where you put them and which one is which, or you won’t be on time any time.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hi everyone:

Life sometimes doesn’t turn out like we planned. Maybe you thought that you’d be with your one and only for the rest of your life. But then something happened.

Perhaps you saw it coming. Maybe not. The question is: What are you going to do with the rest of your life?

Perhaps you’d like to move to a new area, get a new job, or redo your old home. Whatever it is, I hope that your new life, your unexpected autumn, turns out really well for you.

As we look at autumn’s leaves, let’s remember how beautiful they can be. Yes, it can be challenging to keep them raked up, but aren’t they lovely? The reds and golden tones can be spectacular.

Whether you realize it or not, your personal autumn can be spectacular, as well.  Look at the new opportunities that have come your way. It’s a fresh start. (No, don’t tell me you’re too old and worn out for a fresh start. Your mindset will determine how the future looks, so keep a positive outlook on things.)

I wish you well during this exciting, new time of life. Please visit my other blog postings to get practical tips for making this a great time of life. Oh, and be sure to keep your leaves raked up- they eat the daylights out of your grass, which you won’t enjoy finding dead come spring.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Perhaps you have spent most of your lifetime (so far) taking care of your family and home. For whatever reason, you are going back on the job market. You want to put your best foot forward on that all-important job interview, but how do you do it without getting the ‘deer in the headlights’ look?

Be prepared. Figure out what questions you think the interviewer might ask, based on the job you are applying for, and practice answering them. For example, the questions you might be asked if you are applying for a job as a baker are going to be different than if you are a medical professional.

But, and this is a big “but,” some of the questions can be anticipated. Here are some of the sample questions a friend of mine and I were discussing earlier today:

Tell me about yourself. [Can you do it in less than one minute? Practice telling someone about yourself until your delivery is smooth. Not too smoothly, as if you were reciting a memorized spiel, but have your words flow smoothly.]

How will our hiring you make our company better? [Watch out here- don’t tell them their business stinks or that it’s run by idiots. You may be talking to the individual who created it and he or she will not be amused if you tell them they’ve really messed up. Friend, they’ve managed without you for years (perhaps) so they won’t fold (probably) if you don’t come on board.]

Why do you want to work here? Make your comments from a sincere heart. Don’t be an Eddie Haskell. [For those of you too young to remember, he was an obnoxious character on Leave it to Beaver. You don’t want to be like him, trust me.]

Tell the truth. When reading a story about three accountants trying to get a job, the first two were asked “how much is two plus two?” They both  answered “four.” The third candidate, who was successful in his job search, answered the boss “How much do you want it to be?” While he may have been hired, he compromised the person he was to get the job. Don’t do that.

I wish you well on your re-entry back into the world of business. Do you have any sample questions to share?

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Your roof is probably something you never think about, unless it is leaking. Angie’s list says that, if your roof is more than 20 years old, you probably need to replace it. How old is your roof?

When did you move into the house? Did your hubby ever talk about replacing it? Look through any receipts he had for the house. You may find one that tells you when the roof was last replaced. Did he keep a calendar of home repairs? You might find the information there.

Next, look at the overall condition of the roof. Do you see any shingles that are curled or missing? Can you see daylight through your ceiling? You need to get the roof checked out.  The problem here is in knowing who to call. In a perfect world, your husband would have left you a list of electricians, plumbers, carpenters, house painters, roof repairmen, and the like, but the world (as you may have noticed) is far from perfect.

Instead, find a trusted friend who knows something about home repair or a real estate agent who does foreclosure work and ask him or her for the name of someone to call. Do not ask your friend to do the work. Please understand that your friend may be very well-meaning, but an incompetent friend who takes on the job himself is almost worse than a poor contractor. You can fire a poor contractor but how do you fire a friend? My point exactly.

By the way, I have a single friend who likes to do home repair inexpensively, but this is not always a good idea. They say that “you get what you pay for” and this is certainly true in the world of home repair. The guy driving down the street that knocks on your door saying he has leftover stuff from another job and can fix your roof/driveway/anything else is not the place to find a good handyman.

My friend hired the least expensive guy around and it took him 6 months to make her bathroom ready for company (he gutted it) but there is still a problem with the leaky shower and it still isn’t fixed, 8 months later. He started re-doing her siding one year ago. The job is 1/3 done.

I hope this helps give you some guidance into the wonderful world of roofs. It is also a tactful reminder that winter is on its way and your roof needs to be in good condition before it arrives.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

When people get ready to sell their home of many years, they are emotionally attached to the property. As such, they over-value their home and see it as perfect (or, at least, eccentric or charming).

One look at all of those HGTV shows like Flip or Flop or Buying and Selling tells you that outdated looks, worn carpeting, and cabinets from the 90s are not on the top of most buyers’ wish lists.

If hiring a decorator is not in your budget, get some decorating magazines and see what the current trends are. Find out what buyers are looking for in your area by talking to some real estate agents or to the folks at the local home improvement center.

Do talk with a full time real estate agent to find out which improvements are bringing the highest return on the investment in your area. If you decide to talk with a professional contractor, talk to one who you pay for his or her advice, rather than the person who wants to make a lot of money from your job.

If you talk to a bricklayer, for example, he or she might tell you that a new fire pit in the backyard would be a great investment, but having a worn out kitchen replaced would actually bring more bang for your buck.

The thing to keep in mind is that you need to look at your home with objective eyes and working with a full time real estate agent who knows his or her stuff can really help.

Best,

Dr. Sheri