Hello everyone:
This is a tough topic but I wanted to share some thoughts about remarrying. It may seem like I am against it, but really I just want to you take things slowly before you jump into something you will regret later.
Take your time getting to know the new person in your life. Have you ever seen this person get mad? How does he or she handle anger? Does this person react by blowing up? Does he or she swear when angry? Is this person a screamer? Does he or she seem almost proud that this (blowing up, swearing, screaming) is the way that his or her parents handled arguments? Does this person mistreat your children? Could you live with these reactions for the next 30 years? One of my friends was divorced when his kids were small and he thought he had found the perfect step-mother for them. One day she was visiting at his house and got mad at the children. She started screaming and slapped one of them on the face. That was the end of that relationship; he never yelled at his children (he spoke to them calmly as needed) and he did not believe in slapping anyone. She apparently did, so she was out of the picture pronto.
Next, what kind of family does this person come from? If possible, watch how this person treats family members, especially those members who are the same sex as you are. If he or she maltreats that individual, eventually he or she will do the same thing to you. Watch out for the person’s siblings. Does he or she have a sibling or two who is absolutely charming to someone’s face, only to cut that person down or mock them when that person is nowhere in sight? That is standard operating procedure in that family. When you aren’t around, chances are good that they will have a few things to say about you.
Does this person show respect for his or her parents? How does this person handle disappointment? Does this person blame others for his or her failures in life? Does this person accept responsibility for his or her own actions? I realize that this might sound mean spirited to examine a person’s family to determine if you wish to continue your relationship with that individual, but someone’s family has a huge influence on his or her life. Having a “funny uncle” might not make a lot of difference to you, but what if you have young children?
Does this individual come from a dysfunctional family? If so, this may be the only example of family life he or she knows. While it is possible that the person has worked very hard to not be like Mom or Dad, when the chips are down, individuals have the tendency to revert to the type of behavior they have seen modeled as a child. Folks, “what’s down in the well comes up in the bucket,” as the old saying says. Could you live with that? Would you want to? What does your potential partner think about his or her mother or father? Does he or she have Mommy or Daddy issues? Do you want to take those issues on? Did his or her opposite-sex parent die when he or she was young? That person might end up blaming you for the fact that his parent died. Check carefully before proceeding here.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Sometimes folks like to travel but they are unfamiliar with how things work at an airport. I have been going between Florida and Maryland once a month for almost three years and there are somethings I have learned about bathroom breaks and flights. Here’s a real big hint: It’s better to go before you go because at least the toilet isn’t moving in the airport, whereas the airborne plane might hit an air pocket at a very inconvenient time.
First, it is easy to know when you ought to visit the restroom before a flight. Once the incoming plane lands, you have about five minutes before folks start coming out of the plane and heading for the nearest bathroom. You need to beat them to the bathroom, unless you enjoy standing in line.
Next, if your plane is already at the gate when you get there, you can figure out how long before you board by keeping an eye on whether or not the door to the hallway leading to the plane is open or closed. If it is open, then you will probably begin boarding pretty soon. You still have time to make it to a nearby restroom, unless you dilly dally. If it is still closed, then you have a longer wait before you board.
Finally, when you land, please keep in mind that the nearest bathroom might not be the one to go to, especially if you are female. If time is not of the essence (i.e. you are not in any discomfort), then you should wait until you get to the second bathroom because the line will be shorter than in the first restroom (unless a flight just landed near that one).
Have a nice trip!
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today’s blog deals with something we often overlook because it is overhead and we rarely think about it. That topic? Your roof.
Your roof is probably something you never think about, unless it is leaking. Angie’s list says that, if your roof is more than 20 years old, you probably need to replace it.
How old is your roof? When did you move into the house? Did you as a couple ever talk about replacing it? Look through any receipts you have for the house. You may find one that tells you when the roof was last replaced. Do you keep a calendar of home repairs? You might find the information there.
Next, look at the overall condition of the roof. Do you see any shingles that are curled or missing? Can you see daylight through your ceiling? You need to get the roof checked out. The problem here is in knowing who to call. In a perfect world, husbands would leave their wives a list of electricians, plumbers, carpenters, house painters, roof repairmen, and the like, but the world (as you may have noticed) is far from perfect.
If it is too late to ask your hubby about home repair, find a trusted friend who knows something about home repair or a real estate agent who does foreclosure work and ask him or her for the name of someone to call. Do not ask your friend to do the work. Please understand that your friend may be very well-meaning, but an incompetent friend who takes on the job himself is almost worse than a poor contractor. You can fire a poor contractor but how do you fire a friend? My point exactly.
I hope you have good luck with replacing your roof, if it needs it. If you have already replaced a roof, how did you find the best person for the job? Do you have any horror stories you would like to share about your roof-replacing experience? I would love to hear from you!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I was talking to someone the other day about burial at sea, as opposed to land-based burials. I thought you might enjoy the fruits of my research.
A friend told me that some World War II veterans made pre-need arrangements to be buried at sea. My research confirmed that, yes, those types of arrangements did indeed happen, but my friend also mentioned that some of the caskets the men were placed in floated away from the ships after being sent into the sea. He told me that the sailors had to shoot bullets at the caskets to get them to sink.
Sorry folks, the information I uncovered stated that caskets must contain 40 to 60 holes before they are discharged from the ship. The articles I read did not say how the holes were to be placed there, but nothing I read stated that anyone ever fired on caskets as they went on their way. If folks do not wish to be in a casket for burial at sea, they can be placed in a weighted shroud. The main idea is to make sure that the body sinks and does not resurface. You don’t want to know what happens next!
If you are aware of anything like the bullet-holes story, can you please let me know? I am including this topic in my second book, Suddenly Single for Married Couples: A Practical Guide to Hoping for the Best but Preparing for the Worst, and would love to include your thoughts in the book.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today, I am blogging about drains. Have you ever had to unclog a drain? As you are aware, a clogged drain is not a particularly difficult challenge. All you need for a simple clog is a wire clothes hanger, opened up to its full length. Keep the hook crocked, so that you have something to hang on to. Put a smaller hook in the opposite end of the hanger. Thread the end with the smaller hook down the recalcitrant drain, twist it in circles several times, and pull the entire glob of gunk out of the drain.
You might have a buildup of hair and other items in there. You might actually be surprised by what you find clogging up the works. (Keep a paper towel handy, to wrap the mess in. You won’t want to touch it any more than necessary.) You will want to throw this gunk in the garbage immediately; make sure you seal it in a Ziploc bag when you dispose of it or it will stink up the house.
You should NEVER use muriatic acid on the pipes. When it is poured down a drain, it smokes, it smells, it gives off dangerous gas, and it doesn’t always work. It can kill you and yours. Do not use it, no matter what some well-meaning person at the local hardware store tells you. Ever.
Ladies, do not pour the grease from your cooking down your kitchen drain. Pour it into a throwaway tin can and toss it. Why should you dispose of grease this way? Because if you pour it down the drain, the pipes will become coated with the grease and gunk will build up on your pipes. This will slow down the draining of your kitchen sink and may cause the drain to be completely stopped up. The stench that comes out of the sink is pretty terrible, as well. You may need to take a plunger and plunge the sink, to clear the drain. The best bet on this is to not pour grease down your sink in the first place.
How do you unclog a drain? If selling your house is not an option, what would you do to get things running smoothly again?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Rumor has it that more than one person is cremated at a time and that you may not be given your whole relative (or perhaps you might get part of someone else!) when the crematory gives you the ashes. This is not true; it is actually illegal to do this in the United States, unless it is a case of death during childbirth. Note: You must take the ashes back, so what will you do with them? One of my friends had her hubby’s ashes turned into a bench (along with some concrete and rebar) and she frequently goes out to the riverfront where the bench is and sits on him.
I hope you discussed this with your mate ahead of time or you may have found yourself holding a box of ashes and having no clue what to do with them. One woman I knew took her mom’s ashes and dumped them down the garbage chute at her condominium but this seems rather disrespectful.
Do you have any suggestions for what to do with the cremated remains of your dearly beloved? I would love to hear some practical, or even funny, ideas that you have come up with for handling this delicate situation. (Please note that, with your permission, I would like to use some of the ideas in my next book, Suddenly Single for Married Couples: A Practical Guide to Hoping for the Best but Preparing for the Worst.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I travel through Orlando, Florida once a month, to go visit my widowed father and take care of his condo. Initially, it was difficult to see myself surrounded at the airport by happy families and honeymooners while I was by myself. I found a way to overcome those feelings, first by finding a family that is not focused solely on their handheld devices and talking to them.
I ask if they are headed to see “the Mouse” or “a large rodent”- they generally smile and say “yes.” If they aren’t going to Walt Disney World, then the kids haven’t usually picked up on my reference, and we chat about where they are going. If they do plan a visit to Mickey and Minnie, I share how I was an original cast member when the park opened in 1971.
Another way to keep your mind off of traveling alone in the midst of folks traveling together is to fitness walk before your flight, keeping in the general vicinity of the gate you will be leaving from as the flight gets closer. [Note: Visit the gate at the beginning of your walk so that you know exactly where it is and keep an ear out for announcements of gate changes.]
BTW, it is easy to know when you ought to visit the restroom before a flight. Once the incoming plane lands, you have about five minutes before folks start coming out of the plane and heading for the nearest bathroom. You need to beat them to the bathroom, unless you enjoy standing in line. If your plane is already at the gate, you can figure out how long before you board by keeping an eye on whether or not the door to the hallway leading to the plane is open or closed. If it is open, then you will begin boarding pretty soon. You still have time to make it to a nearby restroom, unless you dilly dally. If it is still closed, then you have a longer wait to board.
Once on the flight, pull out that book you have been dying to read and get started. The book is also a meal companion, should you want to look engaged when dining out alone.
When you land, please keep in mind that the nearest bathroom might not be the one to go to, especially if you are female. If time is not of the essence, then you should wait until you get to the second bathroom because the line will be shorter than in the first restroom (unless a flight just landed near that one). The first stall in a given bathroom is frequently the one to use. Studies have also shown that the bacteria count is lower in the first stall because fewer people use it. The majority of folks feel that the privacy in the first stall is not as great as in the later stalls, so they are more likely to use a stall further down the row.
Enjoy your next trip!
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
At our house, light bulb changing is the domain of my husband. However, it is vital that everybody knows how to complete this task as well, or they may be left in the dark someday. Please use the right size light bulb for the fixture. Do not touch the metal thingy as you replace the light bulb or you may need an electrician (or an ambulance). Make sure the light bulb is cool to the touch before removing it and turn the power off before you change it. Getting shocked is no fun. There are YouTube videos on how to do this, so find the one that matches your fixture the closest before you do anything. That way, you can learn from someone who is actually doing it to a lighting fixture that is like yours.
You might prefer to not ask me how to do it. The last time I performed this task, the light bulb I used was the wrong size and my finger touched the metal thingy on the light bulb. I received a nasty electric shock and blew the lighting fixture to kingdom come. It was not a pleasant experience, so check out information on completing this task. The good news is that I am still among the living; the bad news is that the light fixture is not.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Do you ever remember being irrationally terrified as a child? Oh, you didn’t think it was irrational at the time, but it was pretty scary just the same. Maybe you were visiting some distant relative and your parents made you sleep in a dark and unfamiliar bedroom. Perhaps you thought that there was a monster in your closet and that it was coming to get you. Maybe your siblings chased you with cats or perhaps a clueless park ranger held out a huge snake and forced you to touch it, saying you couldn’t have lunch or that you couldn’t go home that day until you did.
These are all things that happened to folks I know. Pretty frightening, to a kid. Do you remember how it felt to be little and afraid? Well, there may be someone in your life right now who is facing his or her own terrors. To you and to me, the fears may seem pretty foolish. To your elderly relative, not so much.
Older folks’ minds sometimes play tricks on them. They think that there is someone hiding under their bed. Or maybe they think that there is a mountain lion outside their bedroom window, waiting to devour them. Or that the soap that they shower with will cause their skin to disintegrate. Or……just about a million other things. These fears are very real to them, just like that dark bedroom was to you when you were little.
It isn’t easy to deal with these fears. You may comfort your mom or dad and then have to do it all over again, five minutes later. The thing we need to keep in mind is that these fears are just as real as that monster in your closet was when you were young. Just as a cat was so fearful to us so many years ago or that the snake was so gigantic, they face their fears on a daily and moment-by-moment basis. We need to offer our parents reassurance and support, no matter how silly or ridiculous their stories sound to our adult minds.
How do you deal with helping your family member overcome fear? Is there something special you do to allay their concerns? I would love to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Yes, I am advocating for dirt today! Actually, this is someone nicknamed “Dirt”- no actual dirt is involved.
A friend of mine lost her hubby many years ago. She had a big house and no idea of how to maintain it. Through a friend of her daughter’s, she became acquainted with a handyman whose name her daughter misunderstood. She thought her mother called him “Dirt,” so the name stuck to this day.
He does everything around her house, which is a real blessing to her. He puts up the Christmas tree each year (and takes it down). He decorates her yard beyond belief- and that’s just at Christmastime. He does any and all repairs (small or large), tells her when something needs to be done (or will need to be done in the future), and coordinates the ongoing maintenance of her home.
This man is priceless! If a gal cannot do home maintenance herself, she needs to hire a “Dirt” for herself. I understand that some women do not have the financial wherewithal to hire someone full time, but getting a trustworthy handyman to come in and take a look at what you need to have done around your home can save you money in the long run. It’s better to have your own “Dirt” tell you that something needs fixing before it breaks down (and things usually do this at the most inconvenient time possible!).
It has been worth every penny she has ever paid him, from the peace of mind of knowing that the house is in god hands, to having the work done in a timely manner. Dirt, as you see, can be a very good thing indeed!
Best,
Dr. Sheri