Hello everyone:
Okay, so you are getting ready to move into your new home. Congratulations on making it this far! You have made significant progress. What’s next?
Making sure you have electricity, water, trash removal, and Internet service at your new location is your next step. Folks, this is not for the faint of heart. It’s going to take some time and a whole lot of patience.
You will need to call and/or email the company in question. It will take longer than you expect because nothing will be straightforward, even though it should be. They will ask a boatload of questions, some of which seem to be completely unrelated to your need for service. (What is the name of the mortgage company of your mother’s first home, even if it was a rental. Okay, so it’s not that bad, but almost.)
Just as you think (mistakenly, as it happens) that you have finally arranged for the service you sought, they will ask you to hold on and then put on some annoying person who wants to up-sell whatever service you have arranged. The full-court press will be placed on you, so that you don’t just have Internet service, you have the quadruple, life-long, mortgage your firstborn son, super duper service that they highly recommend, instead of the low-life cheapskate service you just signed up for. (You don’t want your closest friends to think you can’t afford the better service, do you???)
When my electric company tried to up-sell their service, I hung up. It didn’t work. Someone called me back, certain that we had been disconnected by mistake. (Please note: If you hang up, the new person will try to sell you a much more expensive service. Your transaction was not complete until you hear the new person’s spiel, so stay local. It’s cheaper in the long run.)
Should you decide not to answer your phone when they call back, you will be subjected to emails. Endless emails. “Delete” has become my favorite companion on my email.
I hope you find this blog posting helpful as you complete you move. Please do chime in on your own experiences. There’s company in misery.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
You know the drill. Your world is going bad and, all of a sudden, it gets worse. A whole lot worse.
You had a reasonably normal life for the longest time but, suddenly, nothing is business as usual. The new normal is weird. Maybe you have had one disaster after another, and the poop is piling up pretty fast. What do you do?
Look at what you still have. Your health? A good job you love? Friends who love you? Friends, it may seem like you are Job from the Old Testament, but be encouraged. If you are depressed and it feels like your world is closing in on you, turn to your relationship with the Lord.
Look at the cheerful side of things. If you have a lovely home to live in, thank the Lord. If you are still healthy, thank Him for being gracious. If you have food to eat, thank God for taking care of you. If you have clothes to wear, thank Him for that, as well. If you have friends and family that love you, rejoice twice as much.
Don’t have a pity party. (Avoid those like the plague- they always serve refreshments at the pity parties I have attended in the past and that adds unneeded calories!)
I understand- you aren’t married any more. Your spouse died or decided he or she didn’t want you. The world is set up for couples and you are a single. It doesn’t seem like you fit in. Got it! In some ways, you don’t fit into the “square peg in a square hole” pigeonhole anymore. So find a new one.
This may be the first time in a long time where you could just up and go somewhere you want to go. So do it. Do you feel like taking a walk? There’s no one to say “no.” Feel like going to a movie or watching endless episodes of Flip or Flop? Do it, my friend! You have the whole world in front of you, so embrace it, don’t run!
What do you do when you’re feeling down? I would love to hear your ideas so that they can be shared with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I recently moved, my 24th time. Since I am presently renting a temporary home, I realized that completely unpacking would be a task that I would be repeating again in about 12 months. It is not a job I look forward to.
What to do? I made the decision to unpack what I needed to make my house a home. To me, that meant family pictures, dishes, decorative items that I love, and enough linens and things to get me through the months ahead.
Everything else, I am keeping in my storage area in an unused bedroom. That way, my things are nearby if I want them but out of the way if I don’t need them immediately. Remember how I write what is in a box on the side of it? That way, if I have a special need for something, I can locate it pretty easily by looking at my stored items in the extra bedroom. No, it isn’t very pretty, but I keep that door shut. (Don’t ask me to open that door. Someone could get hurt!)
How about you, temporary dwellers? Do you have a special tip to share with everyone? I would love to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi everyone:
What do you do when you feel like going out to eat but you are alone in a world meant for couples? You can either stay home or go it alone.
Perhaps you have been used to, for many years, going out a particular night of the week, just because. But now you are alone and wondering if you should step outside your door to eat out.
Go, my friend. Take a book, magazine, or newspaper and go. The food you enjoyed as a couple is still just as tasty. It’s fun to have a night off from cooking, even if your total commitment to cooking is heating up a diet dinner in the microwave.
If you are an older person, you can even comment to younger couples what a lovely family they have, how well-behaved their children are, or how much they remind you of your own children. (Nothing creepy here, folks; keep it nice and light and not weird.) This may open the door to a conversation or perhaps you just made their day better. No sarcasm, either.
You never know who you might meet and what conversation might ensue while you wait for your food. Go out! Have a lovely meal! And ask a friend to come with you, if you prefer not to go it alone.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I went to a meeting recently and it was announced that the class’s Valentine’s Day party was a “couples only” event. Boy, there’s nothing like that kind of pronouncement to guarantee sadness in the heart and mind of someone who is suddenly single!
The announcer then retracted her statement, saying, “Oh, we meant “adults only” not “couples only.” If you aren’t a couple, you are still welcome to come.” Yeah, lady, right on.
If you are an unexpectedly unmarried individual, would you go? Would you go alone? How would you handle this weird invitation to an evening spent looking at couples talk to one another? I was in this situation once many years ago when my spouse chose not to take me to a Christmas party put on by our church. I spent the evening watching couples who hadn’t seen one another all day chat all the way through dinner, while I sat there like a third thumb.
If you have a wonderful idea for navigating the waters of singleness at Valentine’s Day, please share it, whether from the standpoint of someone who is single-again or someone who knows folks that are. Thanks!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
It has now been two and a half weeks since I moved out of state. I had a moving company come, to help me with the heavy lifting and I have some tips to help you save money on your move.
First, do as much of your own packing as you can. The mover fellow said I saved about $1,000 by packing my own things. However, please note that anything you don’t pack, they may pack, unless you say otherwise. As a result of my not being as clear as I could have been, I am now the proud continuing owner of a broken clock radio and a couple of ugly tables that I didn’t want. Oops!
I didn’t pack all of my pictures; they did. My casual wave around a room led to them packing everything in it. Oops. Now I can’t tell which picture is which in Unpacking Land. I wanted to keep some of them safely wrapped until I move out of this rental and into a house I purchase about a year from now.
They will mark the room on the wrapping but they don’t always call your rooms by the same name that you do and, if you carried a picture into another room, that’s the name the picture’s wrapping will get. It’s confusing. [It’s also not rocket science, but I digress.]
Next, thoughtfully consider how badly you want the stuff in your filing cabinets. My five filing cabinets would have added $1,000 to the cost of the move. I don’t need outdated student records that badly. What can you get rid of? The mover man said he estimated each filing cabinet weighed in at about 500 pounds. Five of them=$1,000 in added costs. Time to get the shredder out, in my book.
Finally, how much do you love your possessions? It might be cheaper to sell or give away your things and buy new items with the money you save. It cost me about $6,000 to move. Was my stuff worth that much money? As a matter of fact, yes it was, but only because I had some Amish furniture that I loved and paid quite a bit of money for. Otherwise, the cost of a new bedroom set would have easily been justified, rather than moving the old, decrepit one. Food for thought.
What tips do you have to share? This was only my 24th move and I’m always looking for tips to pass along.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I talk to a lot of folks in my travels and the “good riddance” attitude is one of the hardest some of my gals tell me about.
You know how that goes, perhaps. He simply doesn’t want you anymore – he wants “some space.” Sadly, that usually means he has found someone else to fill it. So how do you even respond to that? Perchance you have been married longer than you have been single, and now you find yourself “at a certain age” where the only person you are liable to attract is someone old enough to be your father. Yes, gentlemen usually want cute young things. If a guy is 85 or 90, that may mean you, my 60s-something friend. (Or there is the possibility that he wants someone in her 20s- he may even get her, if his portfolio is large enough.)
So what do you do? First, understand that he is going to play the sympathy card. He will try very hard to make you out to be the bad guy in this whole divorce scenario. Then, after a few months, he will start to introduce around the sweet young thing that took your place. She will be the “wonderful friend who has helped me through such a difficult time since I was deserted by Matilda.” (If that’s not your name, feel free to insert your correct name.) He probably met her at work and has been involved with her much longer than you suspected. She’s the good guy, not you, depending on how he plays his cards. Watch your reactions here, my friends.
Next, he’s going to want all of your joint friends (and your joint bank accounts). He may approach them asap, so that he tells his side of the sad tale before you do. Expect this; don’t be blindsided by it. This applies to family members on both sides of your family, as well. If he paints your picture dark enough, some of your relatives may actually believe his tale. (I am assuming here that you are the innocent bystander, and that you aren’t an adulterous creep in your own right.)
Finally, he may want the blessing of your church. This is a tangled mess, depending on the denomination you have been a member of and how they view divorce. Please respond with class to any inquiries you face. Do not be dragged into a discussion that you are uncomfortable with but do answer with as much information as you feel comfortable sharing, depending on who you are talking to. Contact your attorney if there are any legal ramifications here. I am not an attorney but I don’t want you to get sued.
Friends, you can get through this. You may be estranged from your family for a season, if they believe his nonsense. You may need to find new friends, if they buy the “this is the wonderful woman who supported me after Hortense said “aloha” garbage. But you can get through this, with God’s help, and you can find peace and happiness again. Be encouraged, my friends.
If you would like to share your story, I would be happy to hear it.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Have you ever flipped a switch or plugged something in, switched it on, and had nothing happen? That’s what happened to me at my new home on Friday. I plugged in a lamp in my master bedroom, turned it on, and the lamp did not light up. I moved the lamp and plugged it in elsewhere in the room. Still nothing. Moving the lamp into the bathroom (and who has a lamp in there?) revealed a perfectly-functioning lamp. Drat! What in the world???
A trip downstairs quickly revealed the problem: For some reason, three of the circuit breakers in the master bedroom were in the “off” position. That isn’t the kind of thing that happens as a rule, so I had to assume that someone, at some point in time, had turned them off. The mystery, which still remains, is why? Fortunately, the circuit box was labeled, so I was able to determine the problem pretty fast.
Learn where your circuit breaker is as quickly as you can. It is usually hidden behind a little door, so look for a door on the wall of your room (it will frequently be in the basement).
Clearly label your circuit breaker box, so that you know what turns off the electricity in a specific part of your house. You will need this information if something “trips your circuit breaker.” This means that you need to open the breaker box and flip the switch back into the “on” position, if you turned something on and the power went out in one area of your house.
Please note that bathroom switches sometimes overload and they immediately trip and turn themselves off. If this happens, the little “test” button on the switch pops out. Simply hit the “reset” button and things should be fine. If the lights are off all over your house, call the power company. You may have a power outage and it won’t go back on unless the power company knows you are having a problem.
I hope you find this helpful!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Here are some more tips from someone who has now moved 24 times. (Yes, it really has been that many times!)
If you have a special pillow, take it with you in your car. I have a wonderful computer chair pillow that I dearly love. Where is it now, you might ask? I would love to know, because it certainly isn’t under my backside as I type this. There are over 200 pieces of stuff that were professionally moved but I have no idea into which container the movers placed my beloved pillow. They will mark the room that they packed something in but they might not call the room what you call the room. Since I started my new job today, there hasn’t been enough time to unpack more than say, 25 boxes….that means that somewhere in a box not so very far away, there is a wonderful pillow that I am not using.
Be careful with what the movers move. If you say “move everything in this room,” it can mean everything in the room, including trash. In my move from New Jersey to Connecticut about 30 years ago, I had a couple bags of trash that I was getting ready to put out at the curb. When they disappeared between my trips into that room, I assumed that my hubby had taken out the trash. Nope. The movers packed it and, believe me, when we opened the boxes those trash bags were in about a week later, they were quite malodorous. Those particular movers also moved a log that was in the fireplace. They must have been paid by the box because that little ol’ log had a box of its own. A big box.
Be sure to look behind the door when you leave the house for the last time. The movers use protective coverings over the doorway and they keep the door open the whole time they are packing and moving things out. One of my favorite pictures got left behind just because it was behind the door and I didn’t see it when I left. Don’t put anything but trash in a trash bag because, when I was leaving Florida, I put a treasured painting in a black trash bag to protect it from the rain and a friend carried it out to the curb. I didn’t discover it was missing until months later, when I figured otu what had happened.
I hope this helps guide your move. If you have any tips, please do share them.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
HI everyone:
I hope you are enjoying my blog postings on moving. There is one part of moving that you need to be aware of: the glums.
According to some of the studies I’ve read, it takes a woman six months to get over moving. Since I am getting ready for my 24th move, that means, if the studies are correct, I’ve spent 12 years depressed. Although a slight case of depression did accompany some of my moves, it was not the case all the time, thank heavens!
So how do you get over moving? I was standing on the front porch of the rental property I am getting ready to move into as I begin a new job in a new location. I was waiting for my landlord (I haven’t had a landlord since I was about 20!), wondering what in the world I was getting myself into.
I have lovely homes in three states, and here I was starting all over. I noticed, for the first time, that my one neighbor’s retaining wall was peeling paint, while the one on the other side had broken mini-blinds and mold growing on the side of the house. When I got into the rental, I saw that the finishes on the cabinetry and the flooring were not up to the standards I was used to.
And then I realized that this was the glums talking. The neighborhood I am moving into is considered quite desirable. It’s close to everything I need to be close to. The house itself is nice; it’s just not what I am used to. And therein lies the problem.
If you are moving and expecting everything to be the same, minus that one person in your life, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Try reaching out to others in the midst of your sadness that life is changing. Spend time focused on the needs of other people and you will get your eyes off of yourself. That, and prayer, is probably the best way to step into your new life, your new normal, and that will help you embrace the future.
You can do this!
Best,
Dr. Sheri