Hello everyone:
You know those weird sounds that you have been hearing, the ones that sound like scratching? Do you sometimes find strange brown turds on your counter tops? Have you ever found Christmas ornament boxes full of destroyed, formerly stringed ornaments? Have you ever reached into a cardboard box that you had in the shed and saw something move out of the corner of your eye?
My dear, you have mice (or, at the very least, mouse). Keep in mind that these critters are very fertile and letting one live with you can lead to your having a whole colony of mice. You need to get rid of them ASAP.
There are various ways of doing this; we have effectively used baited traps in our garage and basement. The upside is that the traps can be baited with peanut butter; the bad news is that you have to get rid of the mouse after you catch it and it may still be alive, just stuck.
When a mouse threatened the sanity of my time working in our garage a few years back, we put out a snare, only to find that the mouse survived the entrapment. When the little critter showed up for the peanut butter feast, my hubby was out of town, so I managed to get the mouse and trap into the middle of the garage, covered it with a layer of cardboard (to protect my tires), and drove back and forth over the covered mouse until there were no more signs of life underneath.
I then swept the entire contraption outside and moved the car back into the now-mouse-free space. The deceased rodent thoughtfully remained under the cardboard until my husband returned home, though it might have looked a bit odd to the neighbors.
A good friend of mine has a cat that periodically demonstrates its love by depositing half-dead mice at her feet. After she got somewhat used to this method of devotion, she said that her favorite means of removal was to pick the rodent up with a large pair of kitchen tongs and place the unfortunate animal in the toilet, for rapid flushing.
She must have a really high-quality toilet, since there is no problem with the toilet accepting the mouse for disposal. If you have a toilet that might not take such deposits, you might be better off using the tongs to toss the creature outside in order to rid your home of it.
However, if the animal does not die, you could have a problem with a mad, injured mouse returning to torment your life via the courtesy of your cat, since the mouse would be considerably easier to catch in its current condition.
How do you eliminate the little guys that you don’t want hanging around? I would love to hear your ideas!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I am writing a novel right now where a gal finds the family car keys on the top shelf of the dishwasher. Later, she finds slippers in the pantry and a half-full carton of milk and that day’s mail in the oven. Sadly for the milk, she finds is when she preheats the oven and starts smelling burning milk and melted plastic a few minutes later.
These are a couple of hints that all might not be well at home. The question my readers will be asking is: which one of the people who live in the house actually did these acts of possible dementia onset? (You’ll have to read the book, when it’s published, to find out….)
Other issues that may arise are forgetfulness, such as not remembering a family member’s name, anger at relatively minor problems, and unwarranted fears (there’s someone under my bed, there’s a monster in my closet, the stuff that falls off of toast is bugs). When these things come, up, it’s really a good idea to take the individual to the doctor’s office and get a full dementia workup.
Your loved one’s physician can determine what type of dementia has come up and can design a treatment plan that will, hopefully, slow the progression of the disease. Like Ronald Reagan said, dementia is a very slow “goodbye.” (Paraphrase mine.)
What issues have you found with dementia in your loved ones? How did you handle it? I would love for you to share your experience with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today begins a new adventure: my start of research on planning ahead for those who have never married but want to share their stories on how they have planned ahead for a future where they may need care.
Let me tell you a story: A friend of mine shared with me last week that he met a man via craigslist who was selling everything he owned in order to move into an assisted living home. He had never married, had no children, and had watched as his family and friends died over a period of time. He now needed some help with the basic necessities of life and had no one to turn to. What was he to do?
My friend contacted him about an item he wanted to buy and, when my friend got to the man’s house, the fellow shared his story. My friend told me ” I just bought 4 lamps I don’t need, in an attempt to help this guy out. Please write a book that can offer advice to people who are heading towards situations like this one, so that they can avoid it.”
To do this, I need your help. If you know someone with a story to tell or advice to offer, please ask him or her to post a comment on my blog at www.suddenlysingletips.com I will not identify the contributor in the book, though I will thank him or her in my acknowledgements section. Thanks so much for passing this blog posting along to your friends. I am working on making my social media presence stronger, and appreciate all of your help!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Many years ago, I was the “Chief Grief Lady” (thanks to Erma Brombeck for that title!) at a bank in Florida.
It was always so sad when I had to inform a recent widow that, no, just because she had checks in her checkbook, it did not mean that she had money in the bank.
Many women, whose husbands had always taken care of things financial, approached my desk with fear and trepidation because they could not understand why they kept getting overdrawn notices in the mail.
I tried to explain that you have to make deposits in order to have cash available, but these women had gone from the care of their fathers to being taken care of (and kept totally in the dark) by their husbands. I eventually turned the widows over to the vice president of the bank, so that he could try to explain what was happening to the bereaved women. It was never a pretty picture. It was pathetic.
Folks, please make sure you understand the ins and outs of banking. Do not go from your father’s home to your husband’s house with absolutely no idea of how to make a deposit, balance a checkbook, or write a check. If your spouse pays bills on line, make sure that you know any and all passwords, so that, should the unthinkable happen, you will not be dunned for overdue accounts, or find your electricity has been shut off.
What ideas or stories can you share with my readers? I would love to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
As hard as it is to watch your loved one decline as a result of dementia, it can be even more difficult to care for that person. A dear friend of mine has a mother who is going downhill quite rapidly.
The sweet elderly lady doesn’t want to take a shower, or wash her hair, or do anything related to her hygiene. She also doesn’t want to take her medications. What is her caregiver to do?
Well, with regards to the showers, she checked with her mother’s doctor and learned that someone in her 90s who does not exercise can probably get by with two showers per week. Old folks’ skin dries out pretty fast so bathing less frequently, while it may not seem like a good thing to you or me, may actually work for the older individual.
The hair washing is a challenge but, since the older gal likes to get her hair cut, my friend decided to take her mother to the hairdresser’s once a week. Problem solved. Stress relieved.
The personal hygiene is a battle worth winning, keeping in mind that you are now caring for your loved one like he or she once cared for you. Your roles are reversed, forever.
My friend thought of a superb way to give her mother her much-needed medications- Cool Whip. Get yourself a high-quality pill chopper-upper (one that turns the pill into powder) and crush the meds (make sure that you are allowed to crush them, of course) and then put them in something the patient loves- like Cool Whip. Down the hatch they go!
If you have any ideas to share, I would love to hear from you on a problem that cropped up and how you solved it. Thanks in advance for your ideas!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi Everyone:
Sometimes we get so bogged down in our troubles that we forget how to laugh. I wanted to share this wonderful and, yes, absolutely silly, recording that I heard today. I hope you enjoy it and pray that it lightens your load. https://stevelaube.com/fun-fridays-may-18-2018/#comment-162515
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi everyone:
I usually don’t deal with this type of topic at Suddenly Single, but I wanted to shed some light on an issue that some of you may have faced in your marriage that has now ended.
That difficult subject is that of domestic abuse. According to a recent article in World Magazine, “most of the damage from domestic abuse is invisible. It involves repetitive behaviors that terrorize, dehumanize, objectify, degrade, and control spouses” (p. 38). The article goes on to say that “such abuse is a hammer to the soul, pounding over and over at the personhood, dignity, and freedom of a spouse” (p. 38).
Believe it or not, this abuse can go both ways. If you are the victim of this type of behavior, please seek professional help. While your church may be the best place to go, please understand that some pastors are not trained to help in these situations.
If you have made it out of an abusive situation, please don’t jump right back into another relationship until you have your own life sorted out. The only thing worse than one abusive relationship would be to find the same kind of individual and jump into another abusive alliance.
Take care,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I have a dear friend who is dealing with her mother’s dementia. It has taken a turn for the worse lately as this sweet, precious woman has become argumentative. Please keep in mind as you go through this: it’s not your fault. It’s part of the disease.
You may find that your loved one doesn’t want to eat the dinner you spent a lot of time preparing. Maybe he or she thinks that the spices you used are bugs. Maybe the fallout from the toast on his or her sandwich reminds the demented individual of ants and he or she will refuse to eat the sandwich. Perhaps you could encourage the person to eat the inside of the sandwich. While this is not ideal, at least it is getting the person to consume some calories.
You are being asked to demonstrate agape love and incredible patience. I pray that the Lord will keep you strong and help you finish the race with endurance. You are an amazing person. Thank you for helping someone who cannot help him or herself.
What stories can you share with others, to encourage them during this time? I would love to hear what you have to say that may help someone else get through this part of life.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Some men rush to immediately give away their deceased wife’s clothing. Try not to be in too big a hurry here, or you may find that someone who could have really used the clothes has been overlooked.
Offer them to your children first; you never know when some jacket or shirt has a special meaning to your kids. However, do not try to force the clothing on your children; the size or style is probably wrong for them, and you should not do a guilt trip on them for not wanting the clothing. Make the offer but let the matter drop if they say they don’t want it; it will not bring your spouse back and they are grieving, as well.
After your children have had the chance to look through the clothing or simply say “no thanks,” consider people you know who might appreciate having them. Is there a clothing bank at your church or do you know of a ministry in your community that could use the clothing?
When my aunt died, we offered her clothes to some nearby neighbors who had been nice to my relative. As it turned out, the mother-in-law of one of our neighbors was exactly my aunt’s size. That woman’s winter coats were pretty much worn out and she had been considering buying new ones.
My aunt had several coats and jackets that were in excellent shape (she took good care of her clothes) and we were able to pass them along for the other gal to enjoy. It felt wonderful to help someone’s mother, especially since those folks had been so nice to my aunt for many years. The rest of her clothing was a bit dated, so we took it to the local Help Center and got a tax deduction for the donation.
When my mother died, we were able to pass some of her lightweight coats to her best friend, who was a similar size. The rest of the clothes were given to a charity that resells used clothing in order to help support retired teachers. My mother had been a high school English teacher at one time, so we really felt like we were reaching back to help out her kind of folks!
The mantra here is: check things out before you dump things out. It would have been such a waste if we just thrown out her clothing, thinking no one would have any use for those things. The teachers’ group even accepted Mom’s old shoes and purses.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
There are some events that you need to plan for, if you have children: college and weddings. Both are huge expenses, the former usually more so than the latter. How will your children fund their college? Will they start out at a community college, taking lower level core classes, and then transfer to a 4-year institution? Will they be able to get a college scholarship (or two) or will you be responsible for paying their whole way? Will you decide that they need to pay for college themselves? Will they want to go to college, or will a trade school be in their future plans? Will they work part or full time and go to school part time?
As a community college faculty member, I see students who work more than one job and still attend class full time. Most of the time, they look exhausted. The ones who live on their own look even more tired as they work a low-paying job while trying to focus on their future. Is this the path you want your children to take?
By planning ahead, you can take some of the burden off of the students in your family and be a real blessing to them as they complete their college education. That is what my parents did and they have now helped their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren with the high cost of education.
What about weddings? They can be pretty pricey these days; some couples want the “Say Yes to the Dress” experience (dresses start at about $2,000 at the Atlanta version of this show; the sky’s the limit at the New York version’s “Say Yes” wedding boutique). As a fan of the show, I have seen brides who cared nothing about a so-called budget; they wanted the dress that they wanted and Daddy’s finances made no difference in the world.
Please don’t let that be your approach to weddings; your daughter is going to look incredibly beautiful on her big day, no matter what she wears. You can have a lovely wedding without breaking the bank, but please plan ahead for the day so that it can be a modest, yet superb gathering for friends and family.
What plans do you have for preparing for life’s events? I would love to hear your suggestions.
Best,
Dr. Sheri