Hello everyone:
Perhaps you are a suddenly-divorced person or a unexpectedly-widowed individual. Maybe your spouse announced that he or she no longer wanted to live in the same state as you do or perchance your spouse got hit by a bus and never came back home. Whatever the case, you did not plan on this new road. Your possibly carefully-planned life ahead has now taken a massive shift and you are stuck not knowing what to do or where to turn.
While this sounds horribly morbid (and possibly is), you can make a new way for yourself. Let’s chat for a few minutes here. What is something you have always wanted to do but your spouse was never on board with it? What have you always wanted to learn or experience or visit? What are your wildest dreams that somehow always got pushed aside for other concerns?
Guess what? Financial concerns aside, perhaps this is the opportunity you have waited for your whole life. Perhaps you always dreamed of learning to ballroom dance but you spouse hated it…there is probably an Arthur Murray studio somewhere nearby. Go for it! You don’t need a partner (they will supply one) and this is your chance to pretend you’re on Dancing with the Stars. (Have you checked out Drew Scott dancing to The Rainbow Connection- that’s worth a visit to the website).
A very good friend of mine loves helping people whose lives have been changed by disasters. Her hubby wouldn’t have liked her to be gone at the drop of a hat, but she’s a widow now and so off she goes. She helps change the lives of others for the better at a time when they may be grieving or facing a some natural disaster. She’s right there to support and guide them.
Yes, your life is different now. Would you have chosen this new road? Probably not. But you’re here now, so go for it and live your dreams.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When do you decide that Mom or Dad needs more help than you can give them? How do you know what’s best for their time of life?
These can be hard questions to answer. The gal in this picture looks happy and vital but she may have physical needs that go beyond her family’s ability to cope. I have a dear friend whose mother has been a happy, pleasant, kind person her whole life. She was a super wife and wonderful mother. But now she needs help.
I have some other friends who are making decisions about their father’s care. He has been there for them their entire lives. He has been a superb father and a loving husband. A recent fall has accelerated his need for assistance.
Another friend from church has an ailing wife. She has had cancer for several years and neither of them can attend church anymore because she can’t be left alone and can’t take the chance that someone at church will make her sick. With her cancer, a simple cold could kill her. What is her family to do?
We, as family members, are faced with a dilemma: how do we do the best for our loved one who is in need while not ignoring the responsibilities of our immediate family? Therein lies the problem. If we spend too much time away from our own family, that can cause relationship problems. If we don’t spend enough time with our loved one who needs us, that person could fail more quickly than he or she would otherwise.
I believe that the best way to handle this is through prayer and through understanding the needs of the people involved. If you finances will allow for a private duty nurse or CNA, that might be the best solution for your family. If there is a good adult daycare in your area, that might help others. Perhaps assisted living is the best route for now; there are some excellent homes out there where your loved one can have some degree of independence while he or she is in this “new normal” life.
It would be a blessing to hear how your family has handled the delicate situation you have faced. Do post your comments and thoughts, so that we can all reach out to help others at this difficult time.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Have you ever gotten stuck, really stuck in a rain storm and not known how to use your car’s windshield wipers? Maybe you’ve borrowed a friend or family member’s car. Perhaps you have rented a car to take you to that first big job interview.
And then it begins to rain. Folks, that’s not the time to search for the location of the wipers. It’s also not the best time to figure out how to turn them on (every car is different, or so it seems).
I was on a trip to Florida, which is known for torrential rainstorms, when suddenly it began to pour. I was about an hour and a half from my condo when the storm struck and it was as if someone was standing by the side of the road, pouring water on my car.
It was dark, which didn’t help matters one iota. The streetlights were few and far between which made things worse. And then I couldn’t figure out which way to flick the wiper switch. (It was not intuitively obvious!)
Here’s my personal recommendation: figure this out before you get on the road, especially if rain is forecast. Have you ever had this challenge? It’s not fun, trust me. Next time, perhaps I’ll talk about trying to open the gas door on an unfamiliar car, and wanting to refill your tank before you run out. Another issue: the location of the gas gauge isn’t always where you expect- you could be looking at the engine temperature light instead. (And you thought you were just getting great gas mileage!)
Have a great day and feel free to share your tales of woe.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
My great aunt never married, never had any children, and never confessed to ever having had a beau. She was something in her prime, with a pretty smile and great legs. She was a career woman before the idea was popular. She lived with her maiden sisters, who died within 12 days of each other while they were all middle aged.
As she got older, she ended up with no teeth and breast cancer stole her …well, you know. She still worked a full time job, albeit for the undertaker, at the age of 93 1/4.
She died a few years back and, though she is gone, she is still remembered, as I was reminded when I got her church newsletter last week. My great aunt absolutely loved her church family. They were the husband she never had, the children she never birthed, and the brothers and sisters she lost. she adored them and they loved her back. One of her many friends donated some money in her memory in honor of her birthday; another friend placed flowers on the altar in honor of what would have been her 102nd birthday.
What a lovely testimony to someone caring for the church like Christ did, and gave Himself for it. She knew everyone at church, their background, and all of their children’s names in order of their births and who they married. She did it, not as a gossip, but as someone who was totally devoted to others.
Do you know someone like that? It would be so great if you could send them a card or place flowers on the altar to honor them for their special day. I would love to know who that person is in your life, and to share that memory with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi Everyone:
I am in the process of beginning research for folks who have never been married. If you are over 18 and single, would you please tell me what concerns you most about your future? What would be the most helpful information for you in your present situation. Are you are caregiver? What is your age range? Are you 18-25? 26-35? 36-47? 48-65? over 65? Do you have children? Do you have financial concerns?
I am gathering information for the purpose of talking to professionals who handle the type of questions you have. I will not reveal your name or location, but it would be great to chat with you about these topics.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I am writing a novel right now where a gal finds the family car keys on the top shelf of the dishwasher. Later, she finds slippers in the pantry and a half-full carton of milk and that day’s mail in the oven. Sadly for the milk, she finds is when she preheats the oven and starts smelling burning milk and melted plastic a few minutes later.
These are a couple of hints that all might not be well at home. The question my readers will be asking is: which one of the people who live in the house actually did these acts of possible dementia onset? (You’ll have to read the book, when it’s published, to find out….)
Other issues that may arise are forgetfulness, such as not remembering a family member’s name, anger at relatively minor problems, and unwarranted fears (there’s someone under my bed, there’s a monster in my closet, the stuff that falls off of toast is bugs). When these things come, up, it’s really a good idea to take the individual to the doctor’s office and get a full dementia workup.
Your loved one’s physician can determine what type of dementia has come up and can design a treatment plan that will, hopefully, slow the progression of the disease. Like Ronald Reagan said, dementia is a very slow “goodbye.” (Paraphrase mine.)
What issues have you found with dementia in your loved ones? How did you handle it? I would love for you to share your experience with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today begins a new adventure: my start of research on planning ahead for those who have never married but want to share their stories on how they have planned ahead for a future where they may need care.
Let me tell you a story: A friend of mine shared with me last week that he met a man via craigslist who was selling everything he owned in order to move into an assisted living home. He had never married, had no children, and had watched as his family and friends died over a period of time. He now needed some help with the basic necessities of life and had no one to turn to. What was he to do?
My friend contacted him about an item he wanted to buy and, when my friend got to the man’s house, the fellow shared his story. My friend told me ” I just bought 4 lamps I don’t need, in an attempt to help this guy out. Please write a book that can offer advice to people who are heading towards situations like this one, so that they can avoid it.”
To do this, I need your help. If you know someone with a story to tell or advice to offer, please ask him or her to post a comment on my blog at www.suddenlysingletips.com I will not identify the contributor in the book, though I will thank him or her in my acknowledgements section. Thanks so much for passing this blog posting along to your friends. I am working on making my social media presence stronger, and appreciate all of your help!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
As hard as it is to watch your loved one decline as a result of dementia, it can be even more difficult to care for that person. A dear friend of mine has a mother who is going downhill quite rapidly.
The sweet elderly lady doesn’t want to take a shower, or wash her hair, or do anything related to her hygiene. She also doesn’t want to take her medications. What is her caregiver to do?
Well, with regards to the showers, she checked with her mother’s doctor and learned that someone in her 90s who does not exercise can probably get by with two showers per week. Old folks’ skin dries out pretty fast so bathing less frequently, while it may not seem like a good thing to you or me, may actually work for the older individual.
The hair washing is a challenge but, since the older gal likes to get her hair cut, my friend decided to take her mother to the hairdresser’s once a week. Problem solved. Stress relieved.
The personal hygiene is a battle worth winning, keeping in mind that you are now caring for your loved one like he or she once cared for you. Your roles are reversed, forever.
My friend thought of a superb way to give her mother her much-needed medications- Cool Whip. Get yourself a high-quality pill chopper-upper (one that turns the pill into powder) and crush the meds (make sure that you are allowed to crush them, of course) and then put them in something the patient loves- like Cool Whip. Down the hatch they go!
If you have any ideas to share, I would love to hear from you on a problem that cropped up and how you solved it. Thanks in advance for your ideas!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi Everyone:
Sometimes we get so bogged down in our troubles that we forget how to laugh. I wanted to share this wonderful and, yes, absolutely silly, recording that I heard today. I hope you enjoy it and pray that it lightens your load. https://stevelaube.com/fun-fridays-may-18-2018/#comment-162515
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I have a dear friend who is dealing with her mother’s dementia. It has taken a turn for the worse lately as this sweet, precious woman has become argumentative. Please keep in mind as you go through this: it’s not your fault. It’s part of the disease.
You may find that your loved one doesn’t want to eat the dinner you spent a lot of time preparing. Maybe he or she thinks that the spices you used are bugs. Maybe the fallout from the toast on his or her sandwich reminds the demented individual of ants and he or she will refuse to eat the sandwich. Perhaps you could encourage the person to eat the inside of the sandwich. While this is not ideal, at least it is getting the person to consume some calories.
You are being asked to demonstrate agape love and incredible patience. I pray that the Lord will keep you strong and help you finish the race with endurance. You are an amazing person. Thank you for helping someone who cannot help him or herself.
What stories can you share with others, to encourage them during this time? I would love to hear what you have to say that may help someone else get through this part of life.
Best,
Dr. Sheri