Hello everyone:
Yes, this is a blog about water. Why in the world should we waste time on that topic?
Well, it isn’t a waste if it helps an elderly person keep his or her sanity for one more day. You see, if an elderly person gets dehydrated, it can lead to mental confusion or dizziness (which could lead to a fall which could lead to broken bones which could result in being put in a nursing home).
The problem is that older folks don’t like to have to get out of their chairs to take a potty break. It can be embarrassing to get in the car to go somewhere and have to ask for a pit stop. It can be troublesome to be at the grocery store and barely make it to the toilet. It can be bothersome to have to leave a meal in the middle of your dinner in order to go to the bathroom.
But, the opposite end of the spectrum (not drinking fluids to avoid the bathroom) can result in mental confusion, dizziness, and fainting. If you are responsible for paying your bills, mental confusion can lead to over- or under-payment. If you become dizzy, you can pass out cold and come to, only to discover that you have major injuries. If you live alone and faint, it can be hours or days before someone finds you.
Please make a point of being cognizant of the need to drink water, even if it means multiple trips to the bathroom. It’s better to run through a lot of toilet paper than to to find your obituary in the newspaper.
What stories of dehydrated folks would you like to share, to help others avoid this pitfall?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I run into several suddenly single divorcees every school semester. These are gals who thought they had their whole lives planned out, until they got the shock of their lives when their hubbies wanted out. They decided to go back to college and get the degree that they are sure will set them on a more financially sound future.
As a college professor, I think they are on the right track. Usually they are getting into nursing, which I understand is an in-demand field that should keep them financially afloat. These ladies deserve kudos for what they are doing and I would like to dedicate this blog to them.
From my observation, they are the following:
Hard-working
Serious students
Managing their family, their home, their work, and their school work without breaking a sweat. (Well, maybe a little sweat, but let’s call it “glistening” instead.)
They get assignments in on time; those assignments are done correctly the first time.
They do not make excuses for why they can’t do their work. As the commercials say, they “just do it.”
They are sometimes broken in spirit but I’m telling them right now that I have the utmost respect for what they are doing.
They are winners, no matter what their ex says.
You can do this, ladies! Go for it and do not be weary in doing well!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When you are taking care of an elderly person, it is vital to know the limits to their energy. I have a dear friend who has cared for her mother for several years and she is wise enough to know how her mother’s abilities have faded. She has learned to make adjustments for them. Her mother’s world is getting smaller and smaller as time goes on.
I have had to learn the same lesson, as I visit with my father on a monthly basis. We no longer make 5 or 4 or 3 or 2 or even one walking lap of the mall anymore. Walking across the parking lot to get to the mall in the first place has not been a reality for several years (even if it hadn’t been 106 degrees, effectively, yesterday!). His walker has sometimes turned into a wheelchair when we have underestimated his stamina (turn the walker around, have the person sit down, tell him or her to lift his or her feet, and push the walker from behind. Your back will get sore but you will make it back to the car).
How do you know when the limit has been reached? Careful observation is key. Does your loved one seem to struggle at even the most simple of tasks? Maybe you need to get help for that person. Does the individual tire more easily than he or she did in the past? Pay attention to the nonverbal signs.
How have you handled the changes in your loved one’s life? I would love to hear your ideas for how you have adjusted to this new time of life.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I was with an elderly gentleman this week and noticed that the throw rugs he had scattered around his home were getting stuck on his walker. He pushed his way through, but I wondered what these rubber-backed rugs would do if he had not been able to dislodge them from his walker and make them lay flat.
The answer? They could land him on his backside. Talking to an older fellow at dinner last night, he shared how throw rugs could really, well, throw you if you weren’t very careful. He recommended throwing out the throw rugs of an elderly person, saying that they could be a tripping hazard.
A dear friend of mine has tile throughout her home and had used throw rugs to prevent leg pain. That worked fine, until her elderly mother came to live with them and started stumbling her way around. Her shoes got stuck on the rugs and threw her for a loop.
So, from my research here, it seems that the best thing to do with an elderly individual’s throw rug is to pitch them out. What is your experience with this? Do you know a way around this?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
One of my former co-workers had a massive shock when he returned home from work one evening. He noticed that the house seemed a bit different when he pulled up, but it was not until he got inside his home that he realized that all of the curtains were missing. He also found that his living room was devoid of furniture. Sure enough, he went from room to room and found nothing in them. His dining room contained a folding table and one folding chair in place of the formal dining room set that had been there that morning.
He went into the kitchen and found one fork, one spoon, one knife, one plate, one cup, one bowl, and one glass sitting on the counter next to a single kitchen towel. He climbed the stairs, where he found his children’s bedrooms completely empty; the master bedroom’s king sized bed had been replaced by a twin bed with a set of sheets, a pillow, and a single blanket stacked on it. The bathroom had a shower curtain liner but the fancy shower curtain that he had just seen earlier that day had vanished. There was one towel and a single washcloth in the vanity.
A knock came on the door; a male neighbor was standing outside, holding a pot of stew. He told my co-worker that they had not known how to get ahold of him (this was before the days of cellphones and he had never told them where he worked), but that, as soon as he had left for work that morning, a moving van had pulled up to the house and his wife had directed the sudden move-out. The neighbor offered to stay with him while he absorbed the information, but my co-worker thanked him, took the pot of stew, and went inside to face the fact that he was now unexpectedly single. He knew that he and his wife had been having some problems in their marriage, but he had no idea of her plans.
They eventually got divorced, with his wife keeping all of their furniture and being awarded one half of the value of the house. She was also awarded alimony and child support, but this was more than 30 years ago and men could get out of paying these monthly court-awarded fees by moving out of state. He was so mad that he took a job in a nearby state and moved there. He did not pay her anything, saying that she had poisoned the kids against him and he would see them again when they were old enough to drive over to the state where he now lived to visit him. He could have been arrested for nonpayment of alimony and child support, had he returned to their state so he did not go there again.
Yes, this is a true story of someone who was caught completely off-guard. What stories can you share about this same topic? No names, please. (Lawsuits are expensive and no fun!)
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
For my divorced readers, it is my earnest hope that your spouse did not control the finances of your family exclusively. You should have had your own savings and checking accounts so that you had some control over your own expenses. Not having access to your own money is a recipe for disaster, if you have become suddenly single.
When a very close friend of mine became unexpectedly unmarried, her estranged spouse allegedly cleaned out three bank accounts that they had jointly, leaving her with a grand total of $6 for the next two weeks before pay day. By removing a check from the middle of the checkbook, she did not notice that one was missing when she picked up the checkbook to pay bills.
She received a call from a friend at her bank the next afternoon; the banker told her that her estranged husband entered the bank, asked how much he had to leave in the accounts so that his withdrawing money would not trigger a special statement ($2 in each account), and took out the rest of the money.
Fortunately, she had thought ahead and had opened a personal checking account and deposited her paycheck for that week in the account, so things were not as disastrous as they could have been. She still had to cover the checks she had written before becoming aware of the situation and she thereby avoided bank charges that would have otherwise been incurred.
I hope that you were not in this same situation; I hope that you had your own money, no matter how little the amount. Do you have your own tale of woe on this topic? I would love to share your story with my readers, without mentioning your name.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
One of the most difficult or most fun things is to travel as a single parent with a small child. I have a friend who travels with her little kids on a regular basis and they seem to do just fine. Other parents do not face the same pleasant journey, so I wanted to share some tips that I have used through the years. I would love to hear your ideas as well, so please do write back.
When one of my sons had to spend a lot of time in the stroller for whatever reason, I gave him toys that he only got while being well-behaved in that stroller. Kids today have their own iPads to look at, but this was in the olden days where kids looked at books, played with toys, or viewed the scenery while they were in their strollers.
If the young fellow started acting up, the toy (or whatever) was taken away. Now it is important to understand that little kids need to stretch their legs periodically, but this toy-take-away happened when they were only in the stroller for a few minutes. Sometimes Mommy had to get from Point A to Point B quickly and the stroller was the only way to accomplish this.
When we traveled on a plane, I made a point of bringing along never-seen-before toys and sitting towards the back of the plane. The toys would entertain for a little while, as I was waiting for the sound of the engine and movement of the plane to gently lull my son to sleep. He got a nap and so did I. We awoke refreshed and ready for action when we landed. [Also, sitting in the back of the plane meant we had twice the number of bathrooms nearby and could get to them easily.]
When we went somewhere by car, I brought a goodie bag of toys that hadn’t been seen recently and doled them out as needed. If the kids were misbehaving, they did not get rewarded with a toy, however. We also took periodic stops for bathrooms, snacks, and to get the wiggles out.
I hope this makes your traveling more pleasant. What ideas have you come up with as you hit the roads or the skies on a trip with a toddler?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
We have a new soon-not-to-be-a-couple on Suddenly Single, Culpable Cal and Gullible Gal. I hope you can add to their adventures over the coming days. This edition of their adventures comes from stories that divorced gals have told me. The names have been changed to protect me from being sued and to prevent the gals from being embarrassed by their naive approach to life.
CC is the kinda guy who grew up with Dastardly Dad, who taught him to always hold something back from his wife (in the monetary department). That is, he should pad the bills when he told his wife how much something cost, so that he could build a nest egg for a future without his wife (hey, he might get tired of her, after all!). Dastardly Dad had plenty of experience at that, having been a failure at marriage four times.
CC learned his lessons well. If an electric bill cost $350, he told Gullible Gal it was really $500. If the insurance bill ran $250, he made sure that she thought it was $400, and the like. When household repairs needed to be made, he made certain she thought they cost two or three times the actual cost. Whenever she got too close to finding out how much a bill really was, he waved it in her face, making it impossible to read. Then came the famous words, “Don’t you trust me??” Things added up over the years, and when he got tired of his wife, he had plenty of money to spend on someone else.
Ladies, while it is important to trust your husband in a truly loving relationship, it is, like Ronald Reagan said, vital to “trust but verify.” Please make sure that you sit down with your hubby while he is still around and go over the bills, noting how much they usually run and when they are due. This will aid you, if you do become “Suddenly Single,” since this is statistically likely to happen. BTW, whenever you hear the words “don’t you trust me,” you probably shouldn’t.
What stories can you share with us? (Please use the names I have provided herein, to protect everyone, including the guilty ones!)
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Back a few years ago, I was a representative of a now-defunct home party plan decorating company. We were at a major yearly conference when I noticed that my manager spent hours during the conference on her feet, clapping to the up-tempo music that was being played while we waited for the morning, afternoon, and evening sessions to begin.
Towards the end of the four-day conference, she sunk down in her seat, exhausted. I asked her why she had been standing up so long, when she was clearly worn out. She told me, “Oh, all managers are required to get into the meeting room early and remain standing, clapping to the music until the meetings begin.” To make it even worse, she had broken one of her fingers right before the conference began and clapping really made her hands hurt. She was not only tired, but she was in terrible pain.
My manager looked stunning, as she always did, in her bright red suited skirt. A big smile never left her face but, inside, she was tired and in pain. Sometimes people are like that. They may have a cheery bright exterior but inside they are hurting. Maybe you know someone like that- he or she just went through a devastating experience, but, unless you look closely, you will miss the pain that they feel.
What can you do today to encourage someone? Perhaps a card or phone call would be just the thing to uplift them. You never know when someone might be clapping with a broken finger.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Okay, so this seems to be a bit weird, but it is something that I am facing right now and I would love your support on this, via suggestions. No, I am not talking about writer’s block. This is a situation that is, however, very inconvenient. I would like, in the words of Doc Martin, for this inconvenience to stop.
I have written two books, one for folks who have faced becoming unexpectedly unmarried and one for folks who realize that the odds are that they will not die the same time as their spouse will. Both are with my agent, who is seeking a publisher for my works. [Please note that, although these topics seem very morbid, the books themselves are actually quite funny. You would not believe what some folks have gone through when their “bearly deloved” has, well, gone on to other things.] [Having just gotten back from England where I met most of the cast, I am on a Doc Martin trivia streak right now. The pastor who married the Doc and Louisa did not say “dearly beloved,” but “bearly deloved” during the wedding ceremony. I wonder how many people caught it!]
It would be absolutely outstanding if you could like, share, and comment on my website’s blog with your friends and family members. Everyone knows someone who has lost someone, and some folks know more than one person in this situation. If everyone likes, shares, and comments (but not necessarily on my present Literary Constipation blog), that will mean more traffic on my website and a greater chance of getting published. That would be superb and I would be extremely grateful!
What we need here is some fiber, to get things moving. I don’t know if they make literary watermelon, carrots, or cantaloupe, but I have found those fruits and veggies very helpful in breaking up log jams, literary or otherwise.
Thanks in advance!
Dr. Sheri