Hi everyone:
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving yesterday. Next in line is Christmas, as you all well know. This can be a very stressful time of year as you travel alone to places known for entertaining families. I travel to Florida once a month to help out my dad and I have found it very lonely to see all the families together, excited about going to see a large rodent, while I am totally alone. Here’s how I cope with the situation:
I find a nuclear family waiting at the same gate as my flight and engage them in conversation. It helps that I was an original cast member at Walt Disney World, since this lets me talk to them about their upcoming trip to see Mickey and the gang. Their eyes get big and I share some tidbit of what it was like to work for the mouse (it was fun!). This makes them feel good about their decision to go there and it gives me someone to talk to while we are waiting, without being creepy.
What if you have never worked in the place you are traveling to? Well, perhaps you could compliment the parents on how well-behaved their kids are or what intelligence they demonstrate (this works when little kids have a good vocabulary- studies show that it is a sign of intelligence). Parents will not generally stop you from talking when you are complimenting their kids! Do be sincere- don’t fake it. This will keep your mind off of your situation while allowing you to make a new but temporary friend.
I do not suggest striking up a conversation with someone who might misinterpret your friendliness, if you get my drift. Do not talk to children who are alone, though I once found it nice to talk to non-custodial parents about their young child who was flying alone. I promised to keep an eye on the child while making a point of not sitting with her on the plane. I gave the teary-eyed child a big “thumbs up” as I boarded the flight; she smiled because I was a familiar face by then. I did not see her again until the end of the flight, but she was happy to know that she knew someone on board.
I hope this helps and pray that you have a lovely holiday season.
Best,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
It looks like my dream to publish Suddenly Single is one step closer to reality. This morning I received an email from a highly-respected literary agent who would like to represent the book (and me). I am thrilled by this opportunity and look forward to the day when I can give you purchasing information about the book.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
Sheri
Hello Everyone:
It is coming up on a very difficult time of year for those who have recently lost their spouses, but let’s take a moment to talk about whether or not you should do anything special to decorate your home for Christmas.
It may seem like you are being unfaithful to your spouse’s memory if you decorate and find joy in the coming season. I understand those feelings, having lost my first spouse right after Christmas. I had a small son, however, and felt that the decorations were necessary to give him some sense of normalcy at a time when not much else felt that way.
If you can at all manage to do it, decorating can be a way to step back into a somewhat “new normal” and I encourage you to at least consider doing it, even in a small way. Perhaps you don’t feel up to setting up a tree but maybe the nativity set and some garland might be manageable. You might not want to get out the Christmas china but maybe a goofy mug might cheer your day a bit.
Whatever you decide, I pray that this coming Christmas will be a blessing to you.
Take care,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today’s blog is to let you know that I am available to speak to your church group or other single’s organization. I would be happy to share thoughts such as Seven Tips to Get Your Life Back On Track When Your Life Has Been Derailed. If you or your organization would like to discuss my coming to your event, please contact me.
Best,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
I recently saw an acquaintance that I hadn’t seen in a while. I asked how she was doing; it was a shock when she told me that her hubby had left for an old flame- his high school sweetheart that he had reconnected with through Facebook. Talk about an awkward silence! How do you handle such an occurrence?
After hemming and hawing for a few minutes, I realized that a beautiful, accomplished woman was standing in front of me. She had been dumped through absolutely no fault of her own and she was hurting.
I asked her some basic questions about what had happened and then I simply asked how she was doing. She admitted that the past year had been difficult for her family and that it was going to take some time before they were back to “normal.” The “new normal,” whatever that would turn out to be. Like me, she is a Christian, so I said I would pray for her.
It might have seemed best to compliment her but it appeared to be best just to listen to what she had to say. Yes, she is slender and attractive but she wasn’t digging for compliments that said she is gorgeous and her husband is a fool. Two families and four children had been affected by this disaster. She just needed to share what she was going through. Sometimes listening, and praying for the person, are the best things that we can do to help ease the individual’s pain.
Best,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
Okay, so this topic causes a lot of consternation among people, but I have talked to several divorcees who did, in fact, see something coming. Here are some tips that your hubby might not be walking the straight and narrow:
Does he take phone calls into another room or outside when you enter the room he is in?
Does he suddenly spend a lot of money on his teeth? For example, did a man who cares nothing for the condition of his teeth suddenly go through a lot of expensive cosmetic dental work? Did he take the money to pay for it out of your joint medical savings account? Did he try to hide that work from you?
Did he suddenly become very interested in his clothing? Does he buy new clothes, have you wash them, and then they disappear? Does he show up with a bag full of dirty laundry that you need to wash and then put the now-full bag back in his car after you clean the clothes?
Does he hint around that he might not stay around for much longer? Does he suddenly try to build memories with your kids (but not with you), saying that “something might happen to me?” but there’s nothing wrong with his health?
Does he hide financial issues from you? Does he spend a lot of time shredding things that come in the mail? Does he hide his total income information from you? Does he expect you to sign your joint tax returns without knowing what you have signed?
Does he spend more time away from you than with you? Does he leave the room right after dinner and then spend the evening trying to avoid being with you?
Does he talk about how happy his divorced friends at work are, now that they divorced their long-time wife and married the young chick at the office? Does he build up the ex-wife as a monster and tell you how much he LOVES the new wife, who is the age of the man’s oldest child (or younger)? Does he justify adultery on the grounds that men who have nothing in common with their wives are entitled to cheat?
Does he go on a lot of business trips without giving you a copy of the airline tickets, giving you a handwritten copy of his itinerary, but never showing you the actual ticket itself? When you called with a family emergency while he was gone, did he tell you he wouldn’t come home because he was “on vacation and I’m not cutting my trip short?”
My dear, these a definite hints that “something is rotten in Denmark” or wherever, and you might want to find a marriage counselor or a good attorney.
Best,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today’s blog is in honor of a man I have never met. He was the husband of a dear friend and former student of mine at Liberty University. He was on his way home from work on a dark and rainy night one year ago this Friday when his vehicle flipped and he was killed instantly. His wife and daughter do not know what happened to this day, but he was dead and she was suddenly single at the age of 42. He was also 42.
There was so much more they wanted to do together, but life was busy and they never got around to it. If you are in a situation where there are important people in your life, I hope that you will take time to be with them. If you have older parents, take time to be with them. Kiss your kids, love your siblings, and hug your parents. We never know what tomorrow will bring.
On my own list of things-I-wish-I’d-done is recording my great aunt’s memories. She was a storehouse of information about our family and the culture she grew up in. We inherited her house and it is amazing all the artifacts we have found from time gone by. I located the books my grandfather had as he was learning to read. My great grandfather’s wallet, complete with a little money, was in a dresser drawer. My great grandfather was a teacher; I found some writing exercises he used to teach children cursive. It would have been so much fun to go through these things with my great aunt in order to learn the story-behind-the-story. If you have the opportunity to spend some time with an older relative, I highly encourage you to do it.
Thanks for reading today’s blog. My thoughts are with my friend and her daughter as they approach the first anniversary of her hubby’s passing, and they are with you as you navigate the waters of being unexpectedly unmarried.
Best,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today I would like to talk to you about changing the bag in your vacuum cleaner.
Vacuum cleaners sometimes contain bags that hold the junk they pick up; they need to be changed frequently. If the cleaner does not have a bag (this is known as a “bagless vacuum”), it will, in the very least, need to be dumped out.
If you have a cleaner with a bag, please do not attempt to re-use the bag; throw it away, along with all of the allergens it contains. Follow the instructions that came with the cleaner, but here are some tips that are vital for either type of cleaner:
Put the used bag or the contents of the cleaner into a plastic bag (like the ones you get at the food store) and tie it shut immediately.
Do not change the bag or empty the contents of the vacuum when standing over a white carpet; do not keep the cleaner plugged in while you change the bag.
Do not change the bag or dump out the contents while standing outside in a strong wind.
Do not change the bag or dump the contents while you are near an air conditioning or heating vent.
Why not? Because the breeze that these sources of air provide may send dust flying all over the room.
Make sure that you install the replacement bag correctly. If you have a bagless model, make sure that you re-install the vacuum’s container correctly. One time when I was working on my Dad’s vacuum, I re-installed the container wrong; the vacuum would not pick anything up and it happily scattered the dust it still had inside all over the room I was in. I was not amused.
Have a great day,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
One of the greatest needs that caregivers have is the need to take care of themselves. You absolutely have to be able to take a break. A friend of mine and her hubby have cared for her mother in their home for more than four years. The elderly woman is in great health and is very sweet, but she has signs of dementia and has to be watched. All the time.
What can a caregiver do? One thing my friends have done is to drop the mother off with friends who own an assisted-living home twice a week for a few hours. It makes such a difference in the quality of their own lives. They have a few hours two times a week to run errands, go to their own appointments, take a nap, or go out with friends to see a movie.
The hubby of this couple is a skin diving enthusiast. He schedules an occasional dive trip to get exercise and to relieve some of the stress from the daily responsibilities they face. She recently went on a sightseeing trip with a longtime friend. They have each coped in their own way, but the key was to find a way to get a little time off. I hope that you can also find a way to get this much-needed time for yourself as you deal with the situation your loved one is facing at this time of life.
Best,
Sheri
Hello everyone:
When my great aunt was still alive, she and her friends agreed that they would call each other twice a day, to make sure that everyone was still alive and well. This worked like a champ and kept everyone aware of the others’ well-being. One by one, however, the ladies died; my aunt stopped her involvement in the group when she was put in a nursing home three months prior to her death.
My mother died two years ago and my dad, who was not involved in any outside groups, did not have anyone with whom he was in contact on a regular basis. My sister-in-law told us the story of her friend who lay in the shower for three days, after having slipped getting out of the shower, and we made the decision that Dad had to be called or seen every day. This has worked out well and I highly recommend you do this for any elderly relatives you have.
If you are the elderly person, you may wish to set something like this up, or you may want to get one of those “help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” services. The important thing here is that, if you live alone, someone needs to know you aren’t pushing up daisies! Think of it this way: how long would you want to lay on the floor or in need of help? Keep this in mind and make the arrangements to be checked on before you need it!
You can also be a help to someone who lives alone. If you notice that someone does not keep his or her regular schedule of activities, you should call or go over to check on him or her. I understand that a pizza store realized that a regular customer had not called for a meal in 11 days. They went to check on the man and found him seriously in need of help. They called 911 and the man’s life was saved because someone noticed that they hadn’t seen him. Food for thought.
Best,
Sheri