How do you rebuild?

Hello everyone:

A new suddenly single friend asked me this morning “How do you rebuild?” She had been married for 24 years when her hubby unexpectedly asked her for a divorce. Her life has not been the same since.

She works more than one job and has temporarily had to put her goals of writing aside to work in retail so that she has some steady income available. She is looking for full time work, so that she can buy a house in which to raise her son. It hasn’t been easy.

How do you rebuild from┬áthis type of unplanned event? She never thought that her marriage would fail, yet it did. Perhaps the best place to start is with the realization that you are not alone. The Census Bureau says that last year there were over 800,000 divorces in America. This may be some small comfort, especially if you are now living in poverty (she isn’t, but the chances of it happening to a gal are not as unlikely as it may seem. Many women are left without the financial resources to support themselves following the end of their marriages).

Next, sit down with a qualified financial professional and see what he or she recommends you do. Look at your monetary assets and liabilities and try to get a handle on exactly where you stand, financially speaking.

If you have access to a support group, that would be a good place to vent over what has happened. You don’t want to become an emotional burden to your friends and family as you unload about what happened (though they do care and should be kept in the loop with regards to any big decisions you make), but you do need some safe place to share your inner turmoil.

Finally, take things one day at a time or one hour at a time or one minute at a time until you are able to put together your “new normal.” Life is going to be different, but sometimes that isn’t a bad thing. Someone once told me, “You don’t want to spend the rest of your life married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you.” Food for thought, my friends!

Take care,

Dr. Sheri

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