What Are You Looking For?
Hello everyone: Recently, the singles group of which I am a member was asked “What are you looking for?” We went around the room, with folks mentioning their desire for a Christian mate, a non-smoker, non-drinker, no drugs, and the like. I was rather surprised by the question but then I realized that you have to know what you want, in order to avoid what you don’t want. Are you looking now? Are you ready? One thing I would caution against, in my practical mindset, is jumping into something too quickly. Are you really ready? Have you adequately mourned the loss of your spouse? Yes, even if you wanted the divorce or aren’t really sorry that your spouse is pushing up daisies (and that does happen, from what I have heard!), take your time. We probably all know someone who got divorced one day and remarried almost immediately. This is hard on the children’s feelings and sometimes is done more as a backlash against the former spouse than as an example of true love. Revenge is not a good reason to jump back into the fray. But let’s step back into the original question of this blog posting: What are […]
Get it in Writing
May 6, 2021 Hello everyone: How many times have we heard the warning to “get it in writing?” I’ve heard it again and again and so I did. Kind of. Let me share with you my tale of wall building woe. My neighbor shared that my backyard was hard for his son to mow, so I suggested perhaps it would be nice to have a retaining wall. Great idea! Superb! I knew just the fellow to do the job- a man from my church was dong some handyman work and would love to have the chance to build it for me. I could help my neighbor’s son with him mowing, offer a helping hand to a family in need, and get a wall for a reasonable price. Or so I thought. I talked to the handyman, and we went off to Home Depot to look at retaining wall material. He gave me a bid, said the project would take 30 hours over the course of one month to complete, and could start right away. I agreed and the materials were ordered. To make a long story short, the project took 9 months to complete, and the building supplies we ordered […]
Join a Group and Meet New Folks
Hello everyone: Staying at home all the time might seem like the way to go but it can get boring. How many reruns of HGTV can you bear? As much as I love those decorating shows, having been a decorator for 23 years, there are only so many times I can watch the people painfully decide if they are going to “love it or list it.” (Note: I have it on good authority that the decision will remain the same, no matter how many times you view that episode.) Yes, it can be easy to make excuses (I need to rest at night, I need my beauty sleep, I have things to do around the house), but I have news for you: Rest when you’re dead, sleep more on the weekend or take a nap, and realize that dust keeps as long as you don’t get it wet. So what type of group can you join? I am giving a singles’ life group a try at my church. They have been meeting for years but I just got up the fortitude to visit one of their meetings. I was afraid it was a meat market but no one hit on […]
The Long Goodbye of Illness
Hello everyone: It’s been said that Alzheimer’s Disease is “the long goodbye” but I have a good friend whose husband passed after battling cancer for six years. That could also be called “the long goodbye” because of the years they spent watching him get treatment. Her devotion to her dying husband was evident in every glance they shared and I really admire her for her “till death do us part” commitment that she lived out. In this day and age, it seems so easy to bale out when the rough times happen, but she hung in there until the very end. She reminds me of another friend I have whose husband successfully underwent cancer treatment, only to slip and fall on the ice when he returned to work. The slip, which she did not discover right away, led to her husband’s complete dependence on her for the last ten years of his life. He was unable to walk or talk or take care of any of his personal needs. So she took care of them. If you are in the position of being the caregiver for your spouse, or if you have been, my hat’s off to your loving devotion. […]
Be Adventurous in Your new Life
Hi everyone: Wow- if you had told me I would go kayaking in a river near my childhood home at the age of… well, never mind,… I would have said you were crazy. Really? Me? Kayaking? Folks, my idea of roughing it is the Hilton Garden Inn. My idea of fun is shopping at nice malls and picking up bargains. I do not do things that cause me to become windblown or sopping wet, in public. I do not pull off to the side of the road, walk through weeds, and enter the river. I just don’t. Until I do. Last weekend, I had the opportunity to paddle around the river with my sons and their families. I had never done that before. I hadn’t even thought about doing it. You know what? It was a blast! We had a great time. Sure, I got a bit sunburned and my hair was mussed (heaven forbid) but we paddled for a couple of hours and had a lot of laughs. My older son showed me how kayaking is done. So, the purpose of this Suddenly Single blog is to ask you to step out of your comfort zone. Do something adventurous […]
Be Careful What You Sign
Hello everyone: I was talking with a gal recently who told me what could have been a very sad story. (Though it turned out well, I suppose you could say that it was still sad in many ways.) It seemed that, a few years before, her identity had been stolen when some crooks got a hold of her bank account number. They had rented an apartment in her name and then set things up so that their rent was automatically withdrawn from her account. Fortunately for her, she balanced her accounts on a monthly basis and discovered the theft pretty quickly. To make this long story a bit shorter, the crooks, having been stymied in their attempts to get her paying their rent, then turned to paying off their credit cards with her account’s money. Again, she was able to stop them. Sadly, it took four months for her to get things worked out with the bank. Happily, the crooks (whose names she was never allowed to know because, after all, crooks have their privacy rights) are now serving time for having gotten money from numerous folks’ accounts. But that’s only part of the story. The saddest part of all […]
Overcoming the New Normal in Your Family’s Life
Hello everyone: So, it’s happened. You ex has replaced you. It didn’t take long, all things considered, and now you need to deal with it….and with comforting your kids. Whether your ex replaced you in two months or two years, you are going to face the new person in your family at all large or important family gatherings, so you need to decide how you are going to handle it. Like I used to tell my kids when they were little and had to do something they didn’t want to do, “we can do this nice or we can do it nasty, but we are going to do it.” And so it is the case here. Sure, it stinks but look at it this way: The person he or she is marrying is stuck with your ex and you aren’t. That should be cause for rejoicing, if nothing else. Here’s something important to catch: Do not try to warn the new spouse-to-be about your ex because he or she is not going to believe it and it will look like sour grapes. Instead, pray for that person, that his or her eyes will be opened to the true character of […]
Overcoming Being Alone
Hello everyone: We have been fighting this pandemic for ten weeks now- time flies, doesn’t it? Perhaps you are wondering how to get back into life, once things return to what they are now saying will be our new normal. How about starting a single group for folks in your age group at your local church? What better way is there than to start a group with folks of like-interests? In my case, I go to a church that (pandemics aside) seats 10,000 people on a Sunday morning. Out of that large a crowd, I know about ten single women and one single man who is about my age….actually, he’s a whole lot older. The odds are not good here. I was giving this some thought recently. There is stuff going on all the time at church, but many groups’ activities are announced as being “for couples.” During the pandemic, many television ads talk about doing things and snuggling with your family. Oh, great. Thanks for the reminder that I’m single. How about turning the tables, and making things “for singles only?” Have fellowship dinners, bowling nights, hikes, picnics, and look-at-the-changing-leaves excursions that are only for the unattached. You can […]
Don’t Worry If You’re Talking to Yourself, Only Worry If You’re Answering Back: Oh, No!
Hello everyone: There used to be a saying “don’t worry if you’re talking to yourself, only worry if you’re answering back.” Thanks to the COVID 19 virus, I passed that a long time ago! One month is bad enough, but two months of self-isolation are even worse. At some point in time, I caught myself having conversations with myself. Full conversations. What’s a single gal to do? Here are some suggestions to help lift the fog and dissipate those clouds of conversational uncertainty. First, talk to Siri on your phone. I changed my Siri voice to that of a British male, finding that more delightful than a woman’s tones. Ask questions, and listen, truly listen to the answer. Okay, I know that’s a bit lame. But if you’re desperate…. These are troubling times, you know. Call an old friend and talk for hours. I mean, what is she doing? She’s almost as stuck as you are, except that you’re the one who’s single. Go for walk. Greet everyone pleasantly. Admire dogs, children, and cats. (Yes, I actually saw a woman walking her cat the other day. Poor gal must have been despairing of human contact. It certainly was a conversation […]
Having a Male Friend If You’re Female Can be a Good Thing
Hello everyone: I met the most delightful widow today. We were both on a walk, headed in opposite directions, when I admired her sporty little hat. She smiled and, in the next few minutes, she told me that she is in her late seventies and has been widowed for four years. Her late hubby died of pancreatic cancer. She was alone and really feeling it, except for a daughter who lived nearby. One day, she went in to get her car serviced when the mechanic told her he knew a man who she should meet. She smiled but left the shop without much more thought about the matter. A few days later, the mechanic called about her car, telling her about some upgrades to her service that she might want to consider. Then he asked, “Can I please tell you about my friend? He’s a little older than you are but he’s my best friend and I really would like for you to met him.” She finally consented to have lunch with the friend. After all, what could it hurt? She was walking towards the restaurant where they had agreed to meet, later on that week, when she spotted a […]
About the author
Sheri Dean Parmelee, Ph.D., has personally been in the situation of becoming Suddenly Single. She shares many of her own experiences in the book through humorous tales of driving with bald tires and a clicking engine. These days, she drives with a bald man and clicking joints.
Some of her surprised-to-be-single friends have shared their insights into “what they know now that they wished they’d known then,” discussing things such as avoiding potential future mates that want either “a nurse or a purse,” the importance of signing up for AAA if you don’t know anything about cars, and the most efficient way to get rid of rodents that have taken up residence in your home.
She has used her own 40+ years of experience in keeping a house clean as the basis for her book, but she has also interviewed numerous people who have expertise in their respective fields for additional, professional advice. Her interviews included two police officers (for information on safety issues), a lawn maintenance/pest control man, a full time real estate agent, a personal shopper (for clothing information), a lawyer, and a financial representative.
Dr. Parmelee is an adjunct faculty member at three colleges where she teaches public speaking, interpersonal communication, and business and technical writing. She enjoys running 7 miles a day and loves to read. She is also working on a novel whose working title is Victoria Susan is Not Dead. She resides in Maryland with her husband and younger son.