Hello everyone:

Recently, the singles group of which I am a member was asked “What are you looking for?” We went around the room, with folks mentioning their desire for a Christian mate, a non-smoker, non-drinker, no drugs, and the like.

I was rather surprised by the question but then I realized that you have to know what you want, in order to avoid what you don’t want. Are you looking now? Are you ready?

One thing I would caution against, in my practical mindset, is jumping into something too quickly. Are you really ready? Have you adequately mourned the loss of your spouse? Yes, even if you wanted the divorce or aren’t really sorry that your spouse is pushing up daisies (and that does happen, from what I have heard!), take your time.

We probably all know someone who got divorced one day and remarried almost immediately.  This is hard on the children’s feelings and sometimes is done more as a backlash against the former spouse than as an example of true love. Revenge is not a good reason to jump back into the fray.

But let’s step back into the original question of this blog posting: What are you looking for? Make a list. Know what you hope to find. (Ladies of “a certain age” will have to acknowledge that their chances of remarrying are like unto that of winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning- Sorry gals, I am merely looking at the statistics, the odds. They are not in our favor.)

But I digress. What’s important to you? In addition to the list above, what are you hoping for? Someone “tall, dark, and handsome, in great shape” or “short, blond, mediocre looks, dumpy?” Write it down, even if you fall head over heels in love with someone who does not resemble your list. Throw it out before the object of your devotion finds it, if need be, but try to get a general idea of what you would like to have in a future spouse.

As a Christian, I would then suggest prayer as the next step. Ask the Lord for the person you are seeking. Pray for that individual, even though you might not have met the person and you don’t even know that person’s name. Keep in mind that, as much as you might want remarriage to occur, it might not be God’s will for your life. I know that it’s hard to be single in a couples’ world, but hang in there.

And don’t get mad at the drive through at Burger King when the disembodied voice tells you repeatedly that Whoppers are buy-one-get-one free when you only want one. I must confess that, once, I told the guy “I’m single, okay? I only want ONE!” It is not that person’s fault. Do apologize, like I did, if need be.

Now get on that list!

Best,

Dr. Sheri